Sunday, October 31, 2010

Unattainable Paradise...

That very first time I laid my eyes on you...
you looked so lonely, so empty and so lost 
in that silent room filled with others of your kind, 
I was certain that this was kismet!
 I knew we were meant to be..
just you and me like Samson and Delilah, 
 Mumtaz and her Shah Jehan.

Although you were darker in color 
compared to your other siblings;
 who were ravishing and fortunate to be dressed with skin in creamy and milky hues,
 or your sisters who were eye-catching in crimson red, 
I only wanted you and none other!!  
My heart was definite
that it only longed for you and it was then,
 I vowed to make you mine!

So deep was my infatuation that visions of you,
 thoughts of you and the desire for you were lingering in the deep abyss of my mind!  
You make me powerless my dear with the beauty that you emulate! 
I am incapable to resist your charm.

I promise you my love, 
that when I make you mine,
 I will never neglect you,
 never disregard you for I will always treasure and uphold you with honor!  
I promise that I shall always cherish you with undying love, to touch, caress and shower you with kisses..

For now, be patient my beloved..
I am struggling to make you mine. 
 I await the day we unite, 
in a deep embrace that would never last.  
As for now, be patient Bonita.

You mesmerize me Carino...
(pic taken from Google Search)
I have managed to save RM 100 so far ..
in my quest to make you mine..
Pray Querida..
that I behold another RM 13 904 soon.
Until then your picture will suffice..until then!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Life Isn't All Beer and Skittles.

Life is too short to turn it into a misery for the small things that people do unto you.  I learnt that the hard way when I let my emotions do all the talking thus leading me to lose a whole lot of good friends!  A woman's liability I would say lies deeply in her mouth.  She can make herself, but most oftenly break herself because of it, no matter whether what she says is meant to be constructive or destructive.  

Now that I am wiser, I hope so, I rarely let the things people say to me or about me wound my heart because I truly believe that what you give out is what you will get back!  And for that matter, it hasn't become a habit of mine to let scathing words scar me to the point where I make enemies out of people.  Undoubtedly, I have made my fair share of mistakes by blurting out when I hear ruthless stories about me or to confide in someone about another person who has dented me or let's jut cut to the chase..go go gossiping..!  Hence, when people do likewise because I have hurt them, I do not see any reason why I should hate them.  Yeah, what they have said hurts, causes me shame, causes me pain but despite all that, there is no point in making enemies out of people whom you say have hurt you because has it ever occured to you that at some point in your life, you may have done just the same?  

Are you any better than the person you loathe, when loathing your adversary only puts you at the same level.  Is it your prerogative to b****h about other people, commenting on their lifestyle, their appearance, their conduct but when it comes to issues about you, people should damn well stay out of your life? How fair is that?  So, you can do unto others but others cannot do unto you...???

That is why I go by a rule of thumb to forgive but never to forget!  I easily forgive nowadays, maybe with age I have mellowed, but not forgetting only means to be more cautious of that person.  Life is too short..too too short to turn it into a misery for the small things that people do unto you.  One final sentence though, just beat the crap out of them when they touch your family!

This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Mummy's Bread and Butter Pudding

I count myself as very lucky to have a mother who shares the same passion for cooking. especially when it comes to baking. And for that matter, I always make her my point of reference for she can troubleshoot any recipe just by hearing or looking at the ingredients I use. 

Last two weeks, I was in this Bread and Butter Pudding craze mode and I just had to have it EVERY day!  To hoots with my portion control and watching my diet, I just needed to sink my teeth in this rich creamy texture to fulfil my gastronomical cravings.  And lo..I was on a vicious mission to whip up my own version of the above said pudding. 

Upon preparing the ingredients, my mother who is by far the meanest and cruellest critic there is to exist, shook her head in disapproval at the mere sight of the ingredients that laid on my counter top. " This will never make a nice pudding", said she while her hands were fumbling in my larder to make amends on what was wrong.  

Giving me her green light, I made the pudding using the ingredients she prepared.  Voila... thus the bestest, most delicious, tastiest, creamiest, nicest and most satisfying Bread and Butter Pudding came into birth.  Mmmmm....delectable!  Since yang baik itu datang dari Allah into Mummy's mind, I would love to share the recipe with you.  I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did!

5 eggs
1.5 cups caster sugar
3 tins of condensed milk ( I used Ideal. I think it has the best taste compared to the others)
Half a tin of luke warm water ( my own resipi)
10 to 12 slices of bread.

  1. Beat the eggs with sugar until it becomes dissolved.
  2. Pour the milk and warm water into the egg and sugar mixture.
  3. Add a dash of vanilla. (I added 2 dashes.. needed my own stint so I can claim that some part of the recipe originated from  me) 
  4. Add nutmeg to taste.  Taste it literally.  If you feel it needs more nutmeg, then add some more.
  5. Slab a generous amount of butter on one side of the slices of bread. 
  6. Lay them in the container you will use to bake it.
  7. Pour the contents of liquid onto the bread and let it soak for half an hour. 
  8. Make sure the liquid is enough to submerge the bread. Don't forget the raisins.
  9. Bake in a pre-heated oven at 150 degrees celcius for 30 minutes. Reduce the time if you don't like it burnt.

Half a litre of fresh milk
2 tbsp custard powder
Vanilla essence

  1. Dissolve the custard powder in  about 5 spoon of milk.  
  2. Then add it to the remaining milk.  Add vanilla essence and a pinch of salt.
  3. Put over a small fire and stir continuously until mixture thickens.  
*If the mixture is too thick for your liking, just add more liquid to suit your palate.


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Us; then and now...

12 years ago, a senior of mine told me just weeks before I headed to further my studies in Edinburgh that long distance relationships NEVER work.  2 years later Amat Apiz and I got married. This is us on our wedding day; a decade ago. It was definitely the happiest day of my life!  I managed to get the man of my dreams to marry me and the best thing is, it was me who proposed to him and not the other way around.  

I have to be honest though.  We have had our fair share of trials and tribulation; nothing I ever imagined to cross our paths.  Many tears have been shed, many days of unspoken words... Yes, we have had our ups and down; financially and emotionally but it has never deterred the love we built from getting stronger! And every moment of the day, I pray to God, that He keeps us intact, stronger and closer than ever!  Insya-allah!

This is us now with the products of our love.  
Ahmad Hafiz, happy anniversary!  

Friday, October 22, 2010

Losing my direction.

With the recent events in my life, I am gradually losing that inspiration to inspire my students.  I no longer thrive the thrills and challenges that I am faced with when I try to educate these humble souls...those I hope that I made an impact in their lives, those I have guided to govern the country, to develop our nation or to build a lasting unified society.

My only desire as for now is to watch my children grow right before my eyes, to shed every tears along with them, to share their laughters and to feel their pain.  I do not want to miss even a millisecond of it, as the case with Iman, whose childhood barely comes to my recollection.  The only thing I remember about her is trying to teach her to count from 1 to 5 in sequence repeatedly although she keeps on missing number 5 and heading straight to 6.  That, is the only memory that I have of her childhood which is crystal clear.  

This enormous love I have for teaching is on its own making its way towards doomsville and the saddest thing is..I could not care a single bit.  I think I better move on to where my heart is set on which is where ever my children are. Therefore God, please grant us a home there in Ruwais as soon as possible!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Would I want to trade Mommyhood..? Never!

I am feeling extremely tired, tired to my bones!  It has been a hectic week for me and resting was never an option that I could take; infact it was purely non-existent for me.  

It all started last Thursday when I received news from my aunt that my grandmother has been admitted to the hospital and that cancer was in the picture and that her condition at that moment was critical.  My mother being a permanent resident at Kg. Baru Kerteh now was looking rather unnerved that I decided to bring her back to Selayang so she could visit her mother before it was too late.  As everything was okay, on that Saturday afternoon, my daughter Iman was having a fever and the temperature of 39.5 degrees made me take the decision to postpone our trip back home for fear that something worst could happen along the way.  Imagine her having fits in between palm plantations made me ignore the fact that I had no more leaves to take, I couldn't care less about it as my daughter's safety surpassed everything else!  

Even after being put on antibiotics and a high dose of paracetamol, Iman's fever remained high.  I brought her to the hospital and she was given suppository to reduce the temperature but it was one bloody hard-headed fever as it would not go down even after an hour of administering it.  We were sent home despite it all, but was told to come back after two more days for a blood test in case it was dengue fever.  I couldn't sleep the entire night sponging her body so it would not get any warmer. 

Fever is still in between the 39 degrees range but not reaching 40 degrees yet.  I hope it does not.  I haven't slept well and haven't eaten well too but funny that I haven't lost weight too! Need to seek advice from Posh Spice on her diet regime of eating nothing.  

Her blood sample was taken at HKL in the morning and guess what.. no dengue fever.  Alhamdulillah!  But her fever was still on the high side. The doctor adviced me to admit her but I refused thinking of the restrictions I would have to face so I decided to stay put in Selayang until it was okay to travel. Her fever has started to go down.  It has gone into the 37 degrees range. Alhamdulillah.  Prayers from friends have been answered by Allah.

Now that her fever is down now to a more tolerable 37.3 degrees,  we packed our bags to head home for Kerteh but I wanted to visit my grandmother first before leaving.  So off to the hospital and I came back to fetch the other two kids, and when I reached my mams home, my boy complained of  feeling tired and he was shivering all over.  To add salt to wound, he was also having a fever with a temperature of 40.1 degrees celcius. Oh no...not another child down!  I brought him to Hospital Selayang thinking that as a child, we would get priority, it turned out to be only wishful thinking!  The doctor attended to him only 3 hours later, sending us home with loads more medicine that I can open up my own pharmacy!  So tonite, gotta be a nurse to both my children.  Another sleepless night but I don't care.  Their health is in my best interest.

Getting worried again because Iman is still having her fever which fluctuates from 39 to 37 to 38 back to 37 degrees.

Admitted to the hospital for observation!  Doctor wants to investigate which bloody virus is attacking my child.  Hope the Doctor beats the crap out of this stubborn virus!!  Thank goodness that my boy is stabilizing.  
Exhausted..after blood being drawn again..feverish still.

FRIDAY nothing better to do so I decided to blog.  It is 2.38 am and my girl's temperature is 36 degrees...WTF????? (What the fuss???)  Dah masuk sepital baru nak baik yer???  Anak...anak..

Tired but I can't do I want to quit Mommyhood?...hmmm...let's give it a thought...NEVER!!! I love every single minute of it because all these trials only bring me closer to them!
Fast asleep..I like the light above her head.
It makes her look like an angel is protecting her.

This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today.

Oh yeah...I only admitted my daughter for high fever, ten minutes later they fogged the whole parking lot down!
Creepy!!!!  Felt like I was one of those unfortunate souls in a cheap horror flick
as I was making my way to my car!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Another accident...

The recent 10.10.10 tragedy that claimed the lives of 12 innocent people is nothing to ignore!  Day in and day out, authorities keep on saying they will enforce stricter laws but does it actually help?  Bus drivers still speed at 160km eventhough there is that little black box installed and beeps continuously which could literally make you go mad with annoyance!  Mechanics could also help bus operators cheat the box although it is installed!  So, what could the authorities actually do?  

Most of the time, the government or ministry is blamed for mishaps as such where some people remark that they have not been implementing what they have proposed.  Negative comments like "What if it happened to Mr. X's daughter or son? I am sure Mr. X will take immediate action!" or " Oh..this will make headlines for a day or two, then it will be forgotten..."  Rather than pinpointing to the government, why don't we blame ourselves?  

For me, when accidents happen, those who are behind the wheel are the ones to be put to blame because as a driver, you are responsible of the lives you ferry! It was also reported that there might have been some technical errors like the brakes not functioning.  What lame excuse is that?  Didn't the company service the vehicle before sending it out on a long haul journey?  Didn't the driver notice of this 'malfunction' before he decided to speed and risk the lives of the people in the bus?  I am not blaming the driver totally in this case because he deserves to be given the benefit of the doubt.  There must be a reason why he lost control of the bus that it went into the opposite lane.  For all you know, he might have wanted to avoid a mousedeer that was crossing the road. But we would never know, right? He didn't live to tell the tale.

So it all goes back to the root of the problem which is the mentality of Malaysian drivers.
I would love to quote:
"Malaysia's high accident rates, giving the country the world's top spot with the most road deaths per 100,000 residents as reported by the International Transportation Forum (ITF) last year, is mainly due to drivers' behaviour."

We are so used to the way we drive that most of us disrespect other people's lives.  Take for instance,  drivers who love to tailgate.  If the car just won't budge, (darn that schmuck who drives slow on a fast lane), then just make your way to the other lane and overtake from there rather than driving one feet away from eachother!  Just imagine if the driver of the car in front of you decides to step on the brakes just to piss you off, what do you think would happen?  And while you visualize that, put in an image of your children without their seatbelts on!  Then, there are those who drive while sms-ing or talking on the phone.  Are they aware that this normal habit of theirs can actually take lives? 

Much can be said about the recklessness of our drivers but it won't put a halt to the accidents that occur!  We have to change our mindset for the situation to improve!  The government can only do so much, but if road users decide to ignore the law or to have  poor judgements when driving, nothing can be done to put an end on tragedies like 10.10.10.  If the lives you decide to risk are yours alone, then so be it, but when innocent people who you land on becomes your victim, that is purely callous!

What saddens me is, while we are here thinking of who we should actually blame, 12 families have lost either a father, mother, husband, wife, sister, brother, son or daughter!  And when we do come to a consensus to blame so and so, would it even make a difference to those who have lost their loved ones?  

This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today.


Monday, October 4, 2010

Guilt is encompassing me...

I was driving very slowly in the dense rain this afternoon on my way to a workshop in Dungun to send my father's car.  Apart from the main problem regarding his radiator, his wiper had also malfunctioned hence the speed in which we drove. I was ahead of him, being somewhat a beacon, as I like to call it, guiding his path.  

As we were passing by the 'Politeknik Dungun' I saw this lady on a motorcycle skid right before my eyes but not too close enough for I might have rammed into her.  God works His wonders in miraculous ways because in normal days, I would have sped and if this were to happen...God, forbid the thoughts I am right having now!

Well, to continue the story, there were two of them and the pillion rider did not get up and as I passed them, her face was down on the road.  I had already steered my car to the left into the emergency lane to offer any help, but  I was there to bring my Dad's car to the workshop..his radiator needed to be checked, it was raining heavily and his wiper was not functioning; after considering this I made my way past them.  

One thing though, the sight of the 'little' girl with her face on the road haunts me till now.  I will never stop blaming myself if anything bad were to happen to her.  I was there and could have helped but I decided to let it go thinking the other car that was there would help..but I could have helped nevertheless...

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Going Bazookas..

First it was Faizal Tahir...I was extremely head over heels with this one!!! It all started when I heard his voice when he sang Sampai Syurga the acoustic version..

Now it is Ariel Peterpan..oh please..not because of his porn video..nothing turns me on about a man who is selfish in bed..(yes, I've watched the video). However, I am now going gaga over this one..and you know why..besides his is his hair! Hmm..Ariel ..oh Ariel..

Inspite of those two men, the one who can get me going triple bazookas is definitely my Babes..Amat Apiz!! you have guessed, I am direly missing him!  Just another 38 more days till he we is are back in my his arms..Gosh, I miss his jokes! 

My happy family..n my unhunky hunky hubby..

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Just another one of those days..

My Khalida was discharged last Thursday but her medication is still on course. Thus meaning I am again on another week of a NO PAY leave.  The Principal, was VERY understanding giving me some words of encouragement which helped lighten the guilt that was hovering my feelings.

Trips to the local clinics have been occupying my schedule ever since we got home with three visits a day for the nebular treatment. It has made me consider buying a machine of my own but still the Omron one I saw in a pharmacy just the other day (the only one I saw), does not satisfy me because it works too damn slow (based on personal experiences)! 

Not only that, I have also mastered a new skill which is how to spike one's drink.  All this while I have only watched it being done on television shows but  never did it cross my mind that one day I would be doing the same. Because Khalida is a reluctant patient, her oral medication has now been switched to the form of tablets.  So, to get her medicine in her system, I have to crush two pills and extract half from another that is in its casing and mix it all in her drink.  It is better this than forcing it down her throat and see her choke on it sometimes..

One word of caution though...if you plan to spike people's drink with .. say.. Viagra or whatnots, dilute it with hot water first!  If you straight away put it into juices or chocolate milk, you will see the powdery substance floating on top causing the person to notice that their drink has got some unwanted particles which would lead to them refusing the drink and causing you to crush another dose of pills!  Never mix it with tea! The taste is juice works the best but for asthmatic children the likes of Khalida, anything citrusy is a definite NO-NO! Since her favorite drink is the orange flavored Vitagen, so she can gulp it down as many times she wants..only until she it put off medication.

Yeah, my life can be rough sometimes..imagine me driving in the wee hours of the morning to bring her to the hospital some 120 km away.  But like one of the readers wrote to me :
The last verse of Surah AlBaqarah: God, do not put burden on me which I could not shoulder...
(Thanks Kak Ummi)

So yeah, what does not kill me will only make me stronger!  Insya-allah...hope both Khalida and I will become stronger than we already are!

This is my plain ramblings for today!