I am amazed at myself for having this strength to cope being somewhat a single parent juggling my roles as a father, mother and teacher. I had always thought I would breakdown come the third day of my husband's absence; I guess no one, even me had expected this 4'10" mother of three to actually be capable of surviving this independence after my husband decided to find a better future for us in the middle-east.
I have made several trips to KL driving on my own lugging my kids behind and completing the journey (without my Mother) in no more than 4 hours, my household is resuming as it has always been..nothing has changed, I have made several emergency trips to the clinics and hospital for my daughter's condition and despite all the ups and downs facing all these alone, I can still manage to smile. But, I have to admit..I thank my helper Nining for all her understanding and patience because without her apart from Allah obviously, I do not think I would have managed to survive. The kids just adore her and surprisingly, things have taken a different turn with her attitude. She has been very tolerant of my mood swings unlike how it was when my husband was still living here where she would always answer me back or pull a face when I reprimand her but now, she takes things lightly and I, in return would close both eyes on petty things! So it's a win-win situation, no?
Secondly, I have to thank my parents and siblings for their willingness to race over here at any minute I call. And my mother has been such an angel for always being concerned over us, to the fact that my house has been her second home alternating between Kerteh and Sg. Tua in between her appointments with her cardiologist. My father too has been very supportive and his sacrifice is that he allows my mams to leave him to accompany us eventhough we all know that he just can't bear to stay apart from her for a single minute! My sister's role, on the other hand, would always call us not allowing any minute of loneliness to creep into any void that it may find. She would also plan all these trips on buses and trains for my kids taking time off from work every school holidays when she knows we plan to visit. Then, my brother Alang is the one that Khalida dotes on because he never fails to bring her and the other 2 to the kite park.
I have to also give credits to friends and neighbors who have helped me so much, bringing my son for his Friday prayers, ferrying my kids to Quranic lessons when I am stuck with extra classes of my own, looking out for my children and assisting them and my helper when I need to leave for courses or meetings because without their help, I would definitely be a bit impaired.
Other than that, when you are in a situation that requires you to toughen up, it suddenly becomes you whether you have it or not! I know that I have to be hard for the sake of my children. If I show them that I too am slowly being eaten up by loneliness or the sadness of not having him around, I know for sure that it would affect them more! As a mother, I want them to have all the happiness in the world and I am willing to do anything for their benefits.
My prayers for immense wealth may not have been answered by God the way I want it to be but having this outrageous amount of strength is as close as it can be to being rich. Above all who have helped me, God is definitely the one who makes it happen!
I would like to quote a song from "The Sound of Music" :
"Nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever did,
So..somewhere in my youth or childhood,
I must have done something good"
This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today...