It was the last day of school before we would embark on our 2 weeks holiday, preparing the final touches to our Raya celebration. Since I've made myself invisible during the morning assembly, I missed out on the salam-bersalaman session among the teachers. I decided to do my own stint before everyone leaves school and start heading for home, wherever that may be.
There is one particular person that I know I NEED to seek forgiveness from. Ka S is a senior colleague who has been with me since the first day I stepped into that school and she is also one of the colleagues who have watched my family grow...who have watched me grow. However, along the 10 years, I do not know why, we stopped being close to each other and during the whole of this and last year, our communication was strictly professional. There is no definite reason to explain it, at least on my behalf, no apparent reason to why this could have happened. Gone are the big laughters, gone are the chit-chats I loved having with her, gone are those hadiths and sunnahs that she would often tell me to make me improve on my behavior, but what is most saddening..gone is that sisterly love she exudes.
As my eyes were scouring for a sight of her , I caught a glimpse while I was in the arms of my former Penolong Kanan. Then, as I turned around Kak S was no more there! My heart was racing with fear..had she gone home already before I even had the chance to say "I'm sorry!" I dashed out of the teachers' room and there I saw her putting things in her car. Automatically, I shouted to her "Kak S...where were you, I haven't said I'm sorry yet!!!" I ran to her who was walking to where I stood, and the moment I reached her, I could do nothing more than to hold her close to me and I did not want to let go. Infact, words seemed to be gone at that moment, the so many things I wanted to say, to explain I could not. But she understood me..she knew what I wanted to say..she sensed my intentions because the second she reciprocated my embrace, she whispered to me, " Fida, I love you! Remember, you are always my sister!"
It was so emotional..I could not say anything to her but to only clinch on to her, this lady who I had always loved like my own sister, who had always guided me from wrong to right. I just hanged on to her like that for almost 10 minutes I guess, disregarding the students who were passing by and looking at us who were already in tears. I finally managed to say when I collected myself, "I'm sorry. I love you too..".
It was then, the wall that had been interfering with us broke down into rubbles, breaking every ill feelings, every distance and made me realize just how much she means to me as a sister, as a friend. And that, dear readers, is the beauty of forgiveness, the beauty of seeking forgiveness!
This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today.