Thursday, July 1, 2010

Betrayed and moving on.

I have never really understood how it felt to be betrayed.  Never had the experience that could shatter my whole world until 2 days ago.  I could never really understand betrayal...until it recently happened to me.  

It is not a feeling that one should ever experience because it changes your whole perspective of that other person who betrayed you.  Betrayal..it is not something that I would suggest people to experience although experience is the wisest teacher.  The pain is excruciating, it never stops.  Your heart is pricked and poked over and over again that it becomes part of your life during that tumultuous period.  You vent your anger but venting it changes nothing.  You try to breathe but every time you do, you choke on your own tears.  You want to quit, but quitting only makes you a loser..  And to add salt to wound, your other half is not around to help you get up.

It is painful I must say for the pain comes with a vengeance as it stabs you repeatedly, snatching your happiness because it was done by the person you trust, you thought of as a friend..a very close confidante.  It would not stop attacking you until your strength finally emerges from within but how soon would strength come to be your saviour?  If I could have my way, I would have broken my friendship with that person..but knowing that doing so would mean that she wins, I shall spare her from gloating over her triumph.  Thus, you, I accept back in my heart because forgiving is a noble thing to do!

I am coping and moving on.  I need to pick myself up and to hold my head up high.  After two days of wallowing in my sorrow and scouring why I deserved this,  I finally found solace in Him and so, I shall not break this friendship I cemented 6 years ago.  Today, He only shows that He has love still for me because I am tested with my girl's health.  But then again, what is asthma when you have been to hell and back..


p/s  Amat Apis, really wished you were here to lend me your shoulder.


This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today.

6 comments:

Wan Sharif said...

Lo.. really wish that Amat Apis is around to share your day/night.
Obviously you have found something better... "I finally found solace in Him"

maybe you would like to refer

Surah 94. Ash-Syarh

Have We not expanded thee thy breast?-001
And removed from thee thy burden 002
The which did gall thy back?- 003
And raised high the esteem (in which) thou (art held)? 004
So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:005
Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.006
Therefore, when thou art free (from thine immediate task), still labour hard,007
And to thy Lord turn (all) thy attention.008

Rosfida Abu Sufi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rosfida Abu Sufi said...

En Wan,

Who else should I turn to if not Him?

[Yusuf 12:86] He said, "I complain of my worry and grief only to Allah, and I know the great traits of Allah which you do not know."

Indeed, He is something better! Through Him, I regained myself and was able to forgive!

Anonymous said...

Feed..Kak Nell here..next time you call me to pours your heart. Anytime okay! Stay strong. Apa-apaun yang berlaku msti ingat Allah duga mereka yang terpilih.

masayu said...

dear fida, i've learned not to take people at face value. I had been betrayed by someone whom people have assumed to be a nice and trustworthy person.. but that person had twisted my well meaning words about another person into something ugly which made the other person so sad and hurt.

To this day, I still did not reveal the truth because I am afraid that the person will not believe me because she has chosen to believe the tale bearer in the first place.

so be strong and just keep on going because with the hospital trips that we have been going to, scathing words are nothing to us.

Rosfida Abu Sufi said...

Kak Mas,
Yes, we have been scorned repeatedly for the simple reason that we make the hospital our most frequented "holiday" spot..If I could get through that, then this betrayal should mean nothing...right?? But, its cut is the deepest..