I like living. I've sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.
- Agatha Christie
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Betrayed and moving on.
I have never really understood how it felt to be betrayed. Never had the experience that could shatter my whole world until 2 days ago. I could never really understand betrayal...until it recently happened to me.
It is not a feeling that one should ever experience because it changes your whole perspective of that other person who betrayed you. Betrayal..it is not something that I would suggest people to experience although experience is the wisest teacher. The pain is excruciating, it never stops. Your heart is pricked and poked over and over again that it becomes part of your life during that tumultuous period. You vent your anger but venting it changes nothing. You try to breathe but every time you do, you choke on your own tears. You want to quit, but quitting only makes you a loser.. And to add salt to wound, your other half is not around to help you get up.
It is painful I must say for the pain comes with a vengeance as it stabs you repeatedly, snatching your happiness because it was done by the person you trust, you thought of as a friend..a very close confidante. It would not stop attacking you until your strength finally emerges from within but how soon would strength come to be your saviour? If I could have my way, I would have broken my friendship with that person..but knowing that doing so would mean that she wins, I shall spare her from gloating over her triumph. Thus, you, I accept back in my heart because forgiving is a noble thing to do!
I am coping and moving on. I need to pick myself up and to hold my head up high. After two days of wallowing in my sorrow and scouring why I deserved this, I finally found solace in Him and so, I shall not break this friendship I cemented 6 years ago. Today, He only shows that He has love still for me because I am tested with my girl's health. But then again, what is asthma when you have been to hell and back..
p/s Amat Apis, really wished you were here to lend me your shoulder.