Monday, May 31, 2010

Please let us educate..

He is the typical average boy-next-door type, with stunning good looks, standing at  5'6" while she has the most remarkable smile that is filled with life which could turn Autumn instantly into Summer.  Both are perfectly sculptured, still in their youths, ironically nothing is so typical about them. Being in the class that everybody loves to hate, they have the IQ of a 7 year old..what a luck for someone who looks so normal, so perfect!!

These are my students who are in the bottom class.  They are intellectually challenged, not being able to read fluently or to even answer simple Mathematics questions yet, they will be facing the public examination which I suppose is a lot for them to handle.  I suspect some of them have some type of learning disorder as they do show symptoms of being slow learners..really slow learners..I can't complete my syllabus in this class for how could I when 1/4 of the class cannot even read,  2 students have just completed their task to memorize the A,B,C  and putting the letters in sequence(thanks to Iman's Smart Reader programme) and another 10's proficiency in English is comparative to a 6 year old; they don't even understand "How old are you?" while the remaining 3 are the ones I hope to pass the English paper, if the passing mark for the English PMR is just above 28.

It saddens me that they have to face the ordeal of sitting for an examination that is considered too high a level as compared to what they could remember or understand even. Where is the justice in our education system for such students??   I strongly believe that God had made men equal in some form.  We have those who are the intellects; being engineers, doctors, lawyers, accountants, educators and the likes of that and he has also made men who are less intelligent but have soft skills that enable them to make a living through the talents they possess like sewing, carpentering, baking (moi??), modelling (moi?), and he has also made the lucky ones who are intellects and at the same time are also sophisticatedly talented.

Knowing this, I think the students I speak of fall into the talented category and they DO have talents.  For instance, Syafiqah just loves make-up and wears them to school but carefully applies them which gives her radiance in the most natural way.  If you are 20 cm away will you only notice her make-up!  Zafwan, our Mat Rempit, modified his motor kapchai that would bring tears to Boon Siew's latest collection of motorcycles. If you look at his motorbike, you would not think that it is rideable; looking so wasted and out of age, but the moment the engine revvs, it can go from zero to hero.. He can fix a bike, knowing what works and what doesn't and this to come out from a boy who can't even read in English.. 

They deserve education, if not in academics, teaching them how to live can also be regarded as some form of education that would equip  them with proper everyday skills to survive rather than coercing them to attend school day in and day out which is indeed futile as they do not gain much out of it. Why can't we use the taxpayers' money to revive our Vocational schools that was such an in-thing during my younger days, that benefitted most of us..mind you,  instead of building stadiums that literally fall apart or having 2 Giant outlets being just 15 km away in the sedentary town of Kemaman? I've had friends attending these school taking up wiring, welding, grooming, fashion designing to name a few and they make quite a living for one who does not have paper qualification.  They are their own bosses while me...I have nothing to shout about.  Give these kids a break..sharpen their talents so it will become a weapon for them rather than moulding them to be something or to achieve something that is logically unattainable.  

We are policy makers, please let us educate!!!

This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today based on the students I have.  Nothing that has got to do with yours..

Sunday, May 30, 2010

I got TAGGED???!!!!

1. Thank & link the person that gave you the cow 
    (jgn lupa copy picture picture sekali)
    Thanks Fiza..

2. Bagi balik wasiat ini kat 7 bloggers yg paling active 
    atau 7 paling tak active :
    Here's my list of 7 bloggers...
    regardless of being active or not
     1.  Doria
     2.  Fiza...can I tag you back????
     3.  Raja Petra Kamaruddin
     4.  Intan (my childhood pompuan sengal)
     5.  Che Su ( I'm anticipating eagerly what her retort wud b)
     6.  Alang (you are the least active one)
     7.  Amat Apis ( yg tersangat-sangat tak aktif)
 (fuhhhh...cukup ponn 7. 
  Those being tagged are COMPULSORY to answer....ahahahaa) 

3. Bagi tau diorg ini yang diorg dapat wasiat dari 
    org kaya kg sepening  lalat
    They would know as/if they read this entry of mine...
    (cut and paste Fizanyer ayat...hahaha)

4. Cerita 3 perkara apa yg anda selalu buat sambil tgk tv
    1. Korek hidung
    2. Tanda kertas peperiksaan
    3. Ehem..ehem,,,ngan Encik Amat Apis

5. Bagitau 3 makanan pelik yg pernah anda makan
    1.  Belalang sawah
    ( satu jer kot...cos benda pelik lain tak lalu nak makan)

6. Cuba bagitau berapa orang dah kawan anda kat FACEBOOK 
7. Feveret soalan ni.. camner korang berjumpa spouse korang
    or pakwe or makwe..
    Benda yang lepas...tak usah dikenang-kenang...
    We must look forward and not dwell into the past.
    ( Fulllaaamakkk...macam siot jer...) 

Amacam..wokey tak???

Friday, May 28, 2010

Everybody thinks he is all that...

She loved him with all her heart, sacrificed what she loves just to please him,  left a career that promised wealth, neglected her studies, above all...she gave him her entire self.  

Living a life where your marriage is just a sham is not something easy to do especially when there are children involved. You want to break free but you can't let go..Is it easy to pretend that life is reasonably fine when your heart is slowly breaking into a million pieces?   Just imagine having to smile and laugh all at the same time  in order for you to save your husband's face from his friends, colleague and family who thinks he is a superb man; while inside, you are loudly crying and need to unleash your woes..How does it feel to have a husband who never has time for you but always have time for his friends?? It isn't easy..and I can tell you this!!  It kills you and snatches your whole life..your laughters are never full of life because you don't have it any more!  You live but you are actually dead inside..Sorrow is never an option, it becomes your way of life and you only live for the sake of your children.  Her story is sad..deeply moving..being neglected..not in terms of finance but her emotional fulfillment.  She has always been sidelined to make way for everything else important; Everything else is important but her.  She tries to spice up her marriage but it seems he's allergic to it, she tries everything to make him notice her but it seems she has disappeared from his sight, she cares for him back to health and when she is sick he is so busy at work but the only time he is willing to play nurse is when he needs to ease the frigging sore on his bulging rod down there..
He's a lucky man and he just doesn't realize it!  He is lucky that she has so much patience in her to withstand all that he has done to her, he is lucky that she only expresses her sadness to a couple of friends and during the whole time she cried when her heart was wounded, she has never spoken a single bad word of him but blaming everything on her.  Today, just as she broke this news to me, she still regards him with respect and upholds him above everything else even when he has said:

" It's not that I don't love you....I fell in love for the second time"

Everyone thinks that he is a great man, a great husband, a great father, a great friend , a great boss and  a great colleague but only she knows to what extent his greatness is..which is not great at all!!!!! 

Changing My Blog Skin..

I am fickled..that is one thing about me that I loathe..I change my mind as quickly as how Noami Campbell changes her clothes to go on the runway!!

I grew tired of my previous blog layout with it being white and all..DULL, so, I think this one would suit me fine until I get another itching to change my blog skin to something different.  I thank my brother Alang, for helping me to download it and doing all the things till I was made happy.  Thank you.  

I even changed my blog name from "A Handful Of Chillies" to  the one you can see now because it sounded too gossipy.  I am running out of gossips lately, well, maybe I haven't enough friends or acquaintances that I could bitch about and realized that I have been posting a lot of things about me..So, I guess this new name is considerably suitable. Heck, if you don't agree with me then buzz's my blog - not yours!!

This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today.

Monday, May 24, 2010


I don't know why but lately I have been thinking of Canada.  I miss it terribly to the point that sometimes I can feel the heat against my skin and  the light summer breeze on my face as I sit on the swing in the park opposite our apartment.  I can still picture En-Chi's house which is a block away from where I used to live and the ponds we used to skate on during those icy cold winter nights. The scent of apple cider piercing my nose and the sweet sweet smell of snow especially when Christmas is so close by..aahh...the sounds of the bells and thinking that a reindeer had landed on top of our roof with presents for us..and candy canes of all sorts of colors and flavors and making Gingerbread cookies and Rice Crispies squares during reccess.  I want to eat the Jube Jubes and Tootsie Rolls..and chomp on a bar of Snicker's ice-cream to cool my throat especially during the hot days here..

I miss it so much I can cry just thinking of it..I want to go back to my childhood so I can walk down the lane to where we used to wait for the bus and see Ben's huge grin on his face when he greeted us for that morning.  The trips to the farms for Halloween, choosing pumpkins that my tiny frame (then) could carry and not to forget...strawberry picking and eating as you pick them.  Making candles at the pioneer village and having walks in the forest..I miss the fence we used to stand against while waiting for the bus after school...I miss the hollow silence of the corridors on my way to the bathroom..

I want my Ottawa..I want Mr. Christie..our computer teacher, who we used to make fun of saying that he made good cookies...  I want to hug Mrs. Queen who uses "buckets and buckets of Oil of Olay" to maintain her youth and to help Sarah cut the paper figures  for our class decorations.  I miss Miss Winn, my English teacher whose class is for international students like myself and whose class I refused to leave after she said I was proficient enough to learn French, whose class I returned to after Pauline noticed I detested French..

Mere words cannot express or describe how I feel at this moment..the longing for a place that I once enjoyed, the place I have fond memories of, the place where I lost half of my heart to..I miss Ottawa and all that it has given to me, once when I was younger...

This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today...

Friday, May 21, 2010

On being disconnected..

I had never imagined that my life would be slightly hay wired due to technical glitches on my PC until it happened the past four days when I was not able to access my favorite site on the net.  I keep on facing a dead end when I have tried everything possible to fix my PC based on my limited technical knowledge of the computer only to be welcomed with the notice "This web page is not available" every single time I try to access sites I frequent (FB, mails and blogs).

I was at a lost for these few days for not being able to access my e-mails, my FB account but most of all, I was a lunatic in the making for not being able to access my blog account.  Hahaha, it amazes me to think that blogging is something I extremely enjoy lately even though I may not have the number of fans that could make Uncle Lee cry.  Well,  it is my sanctuary, if I may call it, to be able to express my feelings of sorrow or happiness (with certain limitations..*wink*to Kak J) with people out there who are not here to judge me.  Finally today, being at my mams house, I am able to satiate my torturing addiction to a little blogging fix.  

So, here a few things that I wanted to blog on:

Teacher's Day 
It was dull and boring, nothing that could beat previous years' celebration. I do not know what happened along the way since I was on leave but according to some people, this year, it was the students who were in charge of  organizing the Teacher's Day celebration and teachers had nothing to do with it unlike previously, we, the teachers had to organize our own celebration with events and activities that we had thought of ourselves.  I have to admit, it was shameful with the PPD officers and our YD-PIBG witnessing  the arrangements that went everywhere but because it was done by untrained hands and for that matter, I think these students need an applause for their effort.

Back at work
Thought I was going to loathe going back to work and have my children constantly on my mind, instead it was  not anything like that at all!  I did have my kids on my mind but not constantly, only when I had the time off in between classes.  I enjoyed teaching after not doing so for nearly a month and I realize that I am born to teach..hahaha...Seriously, it's good to be back at work and to be welcomed with a mile of smile on my students' face when they see me entering the class.  And it is nicer when some of them asks me " How is your daughter now?"  So, they do care about me..

When each class I had ended, all I could think of was "If only I had another hour with them..." Yes, there is so much to cover after my absence and guilt is staggering within me at the moment.  They are very much left behind and I have so little time to finish everything and anything needed.  Hopefully they would agree to come during the mid-term break since I won't be going anywhere in the first week..maybe that would help a bit..

My virgin driving trip to KL
Yesterday, I drove the entire journey to KL.  My Mum has been complaining that her chest felt tight and with a history of having a bad heart we decided to go back to KL last night so she could see her cardiologist.  It was a bit nerve-wrecking because I have never driven at night on roads I am unfamiliar with and the cars sped like nobody's business on my left and right which had increased my heartbeats to a critical state.  And to make matters worst, God had to test me on my first driving trip back home with showers of rain. It was raining cats and dogs and zebras and bananas and was as if the world tumbled right before my eyes, it nearly blinded me. 

My mum was there as my pillar of strength reciting some 'zikir' to my Khalida to soothe her to sleep. It soothed me gave me God gave me a test and I thought of God during the whole time, and God pulled me through.  Somewhere in between, Mummy said to me " If you can reach Karak in this state of rain, that means you are a good driver! You can drive well then."  That boosted my will to carry on and not to admit defeat by asking her to take over the wheel. But as soon as we reached Karak, the compliments I was expecting never turned up.  What she said was," I will not let you drive alone at night, not at 140 kmph."  Whaaaat???? Where is my "You are a GOOD driver, Kida" ????  Well, mum knows best...I was driving at 60 km when it rained but sped more when it did'nt. So yes, I was not to be left alone!!

We reached KL after 4 hours on the road with all our 'shi-shi' stops here and there.  So, Hafiz, eat your heart out!!!  I am just 30 minutes behind you although you drive like a mad man at 170 kmph, with heavy consumption of petrol.  I still have a little more than half a tank left!!! Kudos to me!!

That's about it for now. Until I figure out what is restricting my access on the web, I guess I have to say " Till we meet again."

This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Hate to go back to work..

Today is officially the last day of my week off, well..the way I had put that made it seemed like  I was on a holiday.  Come Sunday, I will resume my task as a working Mum and an English teacher to a handful of rowdy, mind-wrecking,  humorous and sweet students.

It has been almost a month that I haven't stepped foot in school beginning with Khalida's surgery, then another week post-operation and lastly, this whole week attending to her who has been down with ILI and bronchiolitis. What makes me hate going back to work is not the impending tasks to gobble me down but the fact that I would no more be there for my kids as much as I have been recently.  I enjoy very much the hectic life of mommy-hood; cooking in the morning, sending child number 1 to school, fetching child number 2 from school, force feeding child number 3 with a whole load of medicine (if only medicine were used to force feed ducks, guess Khalida would be a candidate for foie gras then..) then sending the first 2 for Koranic classes etc etc..The most noticeable difference with me being around at home is that they seem much happier and I am more attentive to the stories they need to tell  me and I spend more time assisting them through homework because previously, I would pretend to listen as I was hectic from school and thinking of what to teach during the night classes.  

Now, come Sunday, it will all return to norm and that is why I hate to go back to work..

Who would want to leave this bunch for work????

This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today..

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

God has something in store for me..

Doctor Khalid: Rose, how many children do you plan to have?
Me               : To be frank, I have past my quota. 
                      I only want 2, a boy and a girl.
Doctor Khalid: So, how are you accepting this pregnancy?
Me               : With open arms.
Doctor Khalid: Rose, God gave you another child when you only wanted 2.
                     God has entrusted you with this child, think about it.

That was the conversation I had with my Obgyn during one of the routine pregnancy check-ups.  Yeah, I never wanted a third especially one that came so soon ( to me lah..Iman was 1 year +) after delivering my second and with my PCOS, it never dawned on to me to protect myself against pregnancy since I was equipped with a repellent for it.   When I learnt that I was pregnant for the third time, I was in denial.  It took 4 pregnancy test kits and 3 check-ups at 2 different doctors for the fact to digest.  I wasn't planning a third, in fact, I never wanted a third.  We haven't started with any fertility treatments or even decided to go for one, yet, there she was planted in my womb.  So, looking back at how I dealt my 3rd pregnancy with mortification, the conversation I had was an eye-opener.

Sometimes, your life would take a detour against your will, like how mine did. Who would ever thought of me as a mother of three after gruelling experiences with my first?  I never did myself.  But then, the minute I set eyes on  my Khalida for the first time, I missed her almost instantly when they took her away to be cleaned.  Looking at my Khalida's face when she eats, when she sleeps or when she dances, I know that she is there to make me stronger.  With all her health issues, I think she is my test from God and I am embracing every difficult moments with nothing more than undying love. 

So yes, Dr. Khalid..God indeed had something in store for me.  Through her, he has taught me the meaning of patience and shown me how it is to love unconditionally. 

Nur Khalida Irina

This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Oh no, another week off..

Yup, another week of not going to work for me.  My dearest Khalida has been infected with ILI and my paediatrician has specifically told me to nurse her myself since her bronchiolitis is bad too, hence, the week off.

There goes my life as a chauffer, full-time cook and also a nurse again.  My kids, all three of them are enjoying my presence home to the fullest although I am scared stiff of what people in school might be saying about my absence that has become quite frequent of late.  Nevertheless, I am lucky completely that the present Principal is quite understanding of my situation, and when I do turn up for work, there is never a time that she doesn't ask about my children's health which soothes me a lot unlike the previous one who would always throw sarcastic remarks every time she bumps into me. 
Well, Pn. A, anak2 kau sumenyer have never faced what I go through but when you do face what I face, you can come to me and we can share stories okay...

So this week, I am stinking with the vile smell of Tami-flu, Paracetamol and Rhinatiol and oh ya..Ventolin and also having to struggle to put ALL those medicine down my baby's throat.  What an adventure..

Friday, May 7, 2010

One week has gone by..

Tomorrow, at exactly 8.20 pm, would be the first week since my hubby left for Abu Dhabi.  I am okay..coping with the chaos that has now occupied my life and if only I could extend time, I would change 24 hours to 35 hours so that I would have some space or intervals for me to breathe in before I go on to the next task, as compared to now;  I almost have no time for myself because fatigue has become my loyal companion.

Knowing that my hubby does not read my blogs, I need to share this with whosoever thinks that the events in my life have some relevance to theirs.  I must admit, it is not easy being alone..put aside sexual desire, companionship, or even needing that someone you turn to when the days had gone up against you, it is not being alone specifically when my children crave for their father's affection!!!

Could you stand to look at your son who sleeps beside a picture of his father which he printed so he could have his father by his side?  What about your two year old who always hides behind the couch every time she hears a car passing by thinking it's her Daddy coming home and she is hiding to surprise him?  And your 4 year old who seems to be fine only because she hasn't talked about her Daddy one bit since he left?  Could you cope with that? To think that a week has already gone by, how am I to survive the coming months, which could lead up to almost a year??  I can cope with not having him when I need sex, I have another shoulder to cry on even if it is his I need the most, but can I replace a Daddy that a child is longing for?  If only there was a manual that I could refer to, life would pretty be much easier for me..just turn to the index and check up what you need guidance on or things to troubleshoot..but there is no Life Manual for me!

Life isn't an easy path but what does not kill you will only make you stronger.  And I hope, the absence of their Daddy will make my kids turn out to be tougher than life.   Think on the bright side, it will only be for at least 6 months till our family reunites..

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


I intended for my entry today to vent my anger towards some people who made my blood really go upstairs today with their sarcastic remarks when I came back to work after a full two weeks off.  However, swish..marah jadi malu!!! 

It happened just like swish..the anger of mine after I read a blog by an acquaintance concerning how certain people use their blogs to relay things that are inappropriate at times.  Well, bengkak jugakler hati and tebal jugakler muka Cik yang comel nih..because I DO THAT!!  I have three offensive release the ache inside..but was it a good thing to do?  After reading her blog, who eats the chili they will feel the I ler yang rasa pedas sesangat tuh..terus terpadam niat nak menge*****kan diri sendiri.. So, fans..(if I may call you who read my blog that..huahua) have a look at shall not stop writing.." and you tell me..was it worth your time?  

It sure worthed least, dapatler pahala sket hari nih kerana bersabar...Thanks Kak J..