I just finished reading a friend's blog about her Aunt who gave rather disgusting comments about her having only one child and the assumption she made that being a plus size contributed to this matter. It made me stroll down memory lane when I faced the same situation 10 years ago.
I have a condition called polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) which put my menstrual cycle to a halt and increased my weight leading me to be obviously obese or "a beast" as some may put it. (a cute one, however) Without having my periods, there was in fact no way that I would be able to conceive; to add salt to wound, the 75 kg on me made it even harder. So, we went to a clinic for a consultation and I had my heart shattered when the doctor boldly told me, "No, there is a 90% chance that you will never have your own kids!"
After I married Ahmad Hafiz, we decided to let nature takes its own course concerning us having children. We did not want to hurry ourselves and the fact that I was automatically protected against pregnancy, did not disturb us too. It was 3 months after marriage that relatives and friends started badgering us with questions about me not being pregnant. I got a little emotional about it but decided to keep my cool and maybe the questions would probably stop. Unfortunately, it never did but it got even worse with them giving me hurtful remarks that I wish not recollect. My husband, seeing that I was upset decided to tell them about my PCOS which in turn reduced the comments to a bearable state and left me happier.
Sometimes, it does not hurt to ask why? Couldn't have all these people just ask me why I still haven't conceived? Yes, curiosity may kill the cat, but when it is satiated, it may keep one quiet. When I hear that friends do not have children after many years of marriage, I would ask why ( not to everyone lah...orang yang kita close to) because I have had the same problem. It is not because I want to pry into people's privacy and become a busybody, if I could help or offer support in any way then I would. And now, friends do ask me which gynae I went to, what medication I was put on, how much it costs and how long did I have to wait until I got my children. It gives me great joy because by answering all these questions I can support them the way I needed support before and on top of it, my success story could give them a strand of hope. By being open, we may gain empathy from those who were in the dark about our condition, but above all, at least they would not assume ridiculous things about me like intentionally not wanting children, sayang badan sebab takut jadi lagi gemuk etc etc..
But then again, some people may not just understand one's condition and start giving opinion that we would not want or sometimes, they act more knowledgeable than a doctor just because they did not face any obstacles in conceiving! Hell to them..God gave us a heart to have sympathy towards each other and not for us to put on a cold front. We have be understanding of people's lack of fortune rather than criticizing it and making it sound as if one deliberately wanted to be infertile. Questions concerning sensitive issues should be made in the most delicate way and not sound so casual and when people do decide to open up their hearts to you, accept whatever you hear and refrain from giving remarks like, " Hmm...pelikler, macam macam sakit yang ada...ada jugak orang macam you ye.." Therefore, get to know what your threshold limit is in accepting the differences and uniqueness of others before you decide to trod on the unknown.
So...dear friends, newly married or not, fret no more!! God has a purpose in testing us and the reward will be greater than what we might have expected. Now, as I look at my three beautiful, mind wrecking, Barney, Barbie and Ben 10 loving shu mai dumplings, I can never stop counting my blessings. God is great.