Sunday, February 21, 2010

Does Having a Helper Equate to Being a Negligent Parent???


(Picture Source: Google Images)



I was complaining to a friend during a hi-tea session at her house about my helper who sometimes disrespects me as an employer and how at  times I have the strongest urge to give her a big tight slap on her face. Then another friend boldly told me, "You make the kids, then why don't you just take care of them yourself instead of neglecting them and letting a foreigner raise them up".  If that came out from the mouth of a housewife, it would not hurt me at all, but coming from someone who works herself and truth be told, treats her Mom like a maid, that is something different.  

Now, what she said is definitely a point to ponder but does anyone seriously think that I haven't given the idea a good thought?  Of course I have!!!! Yes, it is true that the greatest joy in raising up children is if you raised them up yourself but it is not possible for me as I have a job that I need which helps me to help my husband with our household bills and utilities.  For a start, although I reside in Terengganu, one may think that the cost of living here is much lower than that in big cities like Penang,  Johore Baru and even Kuala Lumpur. Try living  in Kerteh and I can guarantee that you have been misled; it is not cheap here and you will be rest assured. A measly RM100 at the wet market is only enough to get you by for a whole week and that only includes one whole chicken, 2 kilos of tulang rusuk and several types of vegetable and fruit. Belum masuk lagi barang dapur yang lain like soap,detergent, shampoo for the kids and myself etc. So all in all, I always spend around RM 800 to RM 1000 a month to fill my larder and refrigerator. Diapers and milk aside! 

I will not lie and have to say that I have needs that reach the top of Mount Everest.  Even if I may not work, to tend to the children that is, as a woman, surely I would want clothes, shoes, jewelery, make-up to wear during the outings or trips back home, go here and there and every where...and do you think it is fair for me to ask from my husband to fulfill these unnecessary necessities  when he is the only breadwinner?  Frankly, I don't have the heart!!!



Second, I can't  deny my envy for those mothers who are able to watch their children's every single discovery, to be the first person to hear them uttering their very first words or simply watching them grow but  my choice to have a career does not make me a horrible mother. When I reach home, if I do not bring some take outs, I do the cooking at most days and take over from my helper in terms of caring for the children every single day, tucking them in bed, forcing them to brush their teeth.  At nights, when I have extra classes, I bring either Qayyum or Iman with me so they get to do their homework under my watchful eyes. Does that seem to be neglecting my children?   So, I DO raise them up even though it is not for the whole 24 hours.  Heck, I am no supermom who bakes and cooks everything from scratch, clean the house, raise the kids single-handedly and I do not intend to be one because my kids, all three of them, love me just as I am.  They understand why I need to work, hence them being taken care of by my helper when I am not around. 

Now, what difference does it make when these saintly people send their children to nurseries, nannies, or even using their parents to care for their kids when they are off to work in search of money?   Does that consider as caring for the child themselves when other hands do that for them?? Is it any much different than having a live in maid?  The difference that I can see is, having a helper enables me to leave my kids at home on those rare date nights I have with my hubby to keep the fire burning in our marriage other than having someone to help me sweep and mop the floors which then gives me a peace of mind when I reach home to my sparkling clean floral scented house... 

So, when you say take care of the kids yourself, .make sure you mean you do it rather than the nanny or nursery or even your Mom!

This is nothing but my plain ramblings for today.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Never Judge Someone Till You Know Them!!!

As I was flipping through the contents of a magazine I confiscated , I noticed this one article concerning Sarimah Ibrahim. It was about her navel being exposed when she was running in one of the episode's of Asia's Biggest Loser. 

Now, are these journalists so drained of ideas that one's navel managed to make a headline in the magazine? So what??? It's just a navel and if you deem it as wrong, well...it's her own cross to bear. Yes, I understand that as a Muslim woman, showing certain parts of the body is a HUGE no-no..( I will not dwell into religious issues) but it is completely unfair to convict one as a so-and-so simply for the way they dress.  Clothes do not necessarily make a man, a man! 

I am not sure if any of this is relevant to you, but have you ever smiled sincerely at someone,  from a mile away, only to be greeted with a stare so sharp and a smile so fake that would put Victoria Beckham's infamous pout to shame? If only looks could kill, I would have been dead a thousand times!!! And  how does it feel when it comes from a person who dresses according to what is accepted by the society and the religious viewpoint? Why is it that they are always regarded with the highest of respect as opposed to one who lives by the motto "If you have it flaunt it"? 

Take this situation into consideration. There are some people in my school who gossip a lot more than URTV and HELLO magazine combined and get away with it only because they wear an XXXL sized Hijab on their XXS sized frame.  And English teachers are always frowned on because they are the noisiest bunch who know how to have fun and wear vibrant colored materials and who are so direct in their speech but never hold grudges. The latter is always the best victim to despise.  

The point is , although some of us do not wear clothes the way we should, it does not make us less human, or a lesser person in which the same goes for people who wear the veil and cover their bosoms,  that is not a criterion that would make them more saintly than the rest of us.  What we should be looking at is the inside of that person rather than the outside because in some of my experiences, those who are daring in their dressing are much much friendlier and more open to the diversity of the human behavior. However,  let's not forget to give credits to those who do dress appropriately and are also very nice indeed. This just shows the clothes that covers one body is not responsible for  any misconducts done by the person but rather the attitude of the person him/herself. 

So, let us get to know a person well enough for us to pass judgement  based on what that person really is rather than generalizing him/her based on the outfit that he/she dons.