Sunday, September 27, 2009

To Watch Someone Face Death..

Kak Hasmah, a senior colleague who used to be in my school was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago and had her left breast removed.  I bumped into her 1 year after her surgery  and she looked as fit as a fiddle that one might query whether she had been through cancer or not.. However, my meeting with her today was not like how I met her last year in the hustle and bustle of that Tuesday night market. Today, she barely knew me!

The doctors from Hospital Putrajaya discharged her after confirming that she was terminally ill and also for the fact that they could not do anything else to stop those damn cancer cells from happily gorging on what's left of her healthy life. We were told not to expect much from her as she was also enduring short term memory so when I paid her a visit this afternoon with Kak Tie, we weren't greeted by her usual warm and humorous self, that being due to the high dose of morphine given to her and also because of  the effects of her cancer I suppose, but that blank look on her face suggested that she somehow knew  we were her friends.

As she laid on her bed, I wanted to massage her legs and arms but I dare not do it for fear of hurting her even though Kak Shick told me that  I could do that.  They say that she is in much pain and massages could help to ease it.  From my bare eyes, I did not see any pain from her although she does grunt once a while. To me, she didn't look miserable, not at all, just exhausted and I think that God has spared her from any pain because in her healthy life, she was tremendously a nice human being who never wounded others through her action or her words.  She was tired, very very tired..to me that is,but what she endured, only God knew.

I started to battle the tears that nearly came down to my cheeks. I know I shouldn't cry because we need to show her strength but I was amazed and touched by how her daughter who is merely 14 or 15 years old was stronger than the rest of us in that room that she was able to caress her dying mother's hair and kiss her cheeks without any signs of sadness..

I don't deal with this situation quite well so all I could do was to cite some prayers for her..not for her to be healthy again knowing that that is impossible being in the final stages of cancer, but I pray for her safe return to the arms of God. Please friends, do pray for her..do pray for her..

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