Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Do you really need that many?

Qayyum came to me one night telling me that he missed his old school, Tadika Pintar Jaya. When I asked him the reason for him to feel that way, his reply took me aback.  He told he did not have as many friends as he did then. I was sad at the thought of my Qayyum being friendless or even lacking in it, a trait he could possibly have inherited from me!

I continued with the conversation by asking him who he had his recesses with and also of  his relationship with his peers in the classroom, therefore, when he told me his friends were  Shafiq, Humaira, Faris, Nadzmi, Hadi, Harris, Amir from 1 Iman, Ammar from 1 Ridzwan, and the list goes on, he did not seem to have any problem at all. He definitely has many friends, but the sad look on his face signalled that there was still something boggling his mind. So, I decided to ask him just how many friends did he want and his reply was, "Everyone in my class".

Yup, it is natural for little boys like him to feel that way because as an adult, I have that same feeling too, all the time. If only I had more friends than just one, life would be all hearts and flowers for me.  But, when I kept on thinking about the friends I have who are not near me, my face would light up into a glow and I would get a warm feeling blanketing all over  me.

 I recently got back in touch with one of my childhood friend Erni Suharto who was the only person to strike up a conversation with me the moment I set foot in SKSTB.  I just got back from Canada after my father's posting ended and hardly knew a single word of Bahasa Melayu.  People told Erni to stay away from me for many reasons but she never succumbed to their intentions.  She remained my friend, my only friend, a very good and close friend, who never spoke a bad word about me until we reached high school  when we went our separate ways.  I stopped thinking about her when I was in Form 3, but I guess she never did that to me.  She managed to find me through my brother's blog and now, we have come back to being friends again.  That, is what I call a good friend.

A second good friend would be Doria.  She came into my classroom during the first year after the matriculation course.  We wondered how did she possibly make it in the class and what programme was she from.  She was a lucky one but I was luckier because she decided to be friends with me.  Even when I was up there in Edinburgh and she, in London, we never failed to send ourselves cards even if it was only  for once a while.   Above all that she has done for me, I am forever indebted to her for sticking by me in the good times and also the bad, for ignoring what others said about me, and only saw the goodness.  And today, she is one of the very few who constantly keeps in touch with me. 

Ayu and Faith, my two best friends..the two people who picks me up everytime I am down, who accepted me when everyone turned their backs on me for my misdeeds, who learned to love me. Ayu, forever willing to pick up her phone during the deepest hours of the night just to hear me babble on about my dissatisfaction towards the world and its inhibitants. Angelic, that is what they are...purely angelic.

So, here, when people have a dozen of friends to spend their birthdays with, or a dozen to talk about, I have only 4.  But I am not ashamed because these four have the hearts of a hundred souls each.  If you are reading this my dearest Qayyum, do you really need to have ten handfuls of friends?  The number of friends you have really would not count if they are not good friends at all for what matters the most is how many out of the hundreds can you claim as your very good ones.  And that is just what I told him that night. Don't find too many friends but what he should be looking for is too many good friends!

This is purely my ramblings for today on my experiences, nothing that has to do with yours.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Simple Social Etiquette Heading for Extinction..

As a person, I have to admit that my human package comes complete with an abundance of flaws; imperfect in my conduct and mannerism at times.  Realizing this fact about me, as a parent now, to 3 marvelous children, I hope I am able to educate them the best way possible not only academically but most importantly in terms of their social etiquette.

Today, I was at the Giant supermarket near my Mam's home with my first two munchkins just strolling along lane after lane.  We were at one isle when this lady took a packet of Maggi to have another fall on the ground.  Did she have any decency to pick it up? The answer is NO! She merely looked at it and scurried away. Since she was able to ignore it, the devil in me took control and told me to do just the same until I was put to shame after Qayyum picked it up and put it back on the shelf.  I thanked my son for his act to which he replied "I didn't make it fall, Mum." I was instantly embarrased at myself because I saw the thing fall first and decided to ignore it while this 7 year-old boy did the total opposite.

 After getting what I needed , as my first two children were with me, I decided to bring them to the playground there that they love so much.  One thing that Iman loves about the playground  is the free rides provided.  First come, first serve is a social rule that I respect and always abide to.  Upon reaching the rides, when things are free, you would see that it is always occupied. Not wanting to see a disappointed look on her face, I stood  right beside that pony she wanted to go on with her, waiting for our turn.   We had been queuing for 15 minutes when the girl who was on the pony finally got the message that the pony was public property, decided to go down and give other sapient a chance on it .  But the best thing that happened Iman was taking her sandals off  to get on it, came another gentleman who conveniently settled his daughter on the pony that we had been waiting for, for a total of 15 minutes (plus another 30 seconds while waiting for her to get the sandals off).  It's not a long period for us adults, but for kids, it seemed forever! So, we had to wait another 5 minutes and  I said mighty loud to Iman "It's ok Baby, kita sabar jer. Tunggu je lagi!! Don't run around, beratur jer macam tadi." I guess that got the man feeling guilty because he started this small conversations asking how old Iman was, where she went to school yadda,yadda,yadda.  Two rounds on the pony later, my gal got her chance which delighted her to the extent that there was no more room on her face for her to be smiling from ear to ear!

My kids have often forgotten to say their "thank yous" to people but my husband and I are always quick to reprimand them fearing it would become a habit hard to break and I get really annoyed at children who don't say it and it gets more annoying when their parents don't even say anything to correct their child!!  Well, for children below 10 years old is fathomable but for those who are above that age just comes across to me as mighty rude.  Saying 'please and thank you' is considered to be the most fundamental aspect of the social etiquette. Why is it that some find it extremely difficult to practise?  I have encountered many situations with cashiers who never say thank you to me when handing in my change and even when I say it to them, sarcastically, they would just give me an insincere smile. These cashiers should be reminded of the fact that the purchasing power of customers are what gives them the salary to enable them to paint their faces with awfully heavy make-up!!  So little girl at the gift shop in Kuantan Specialist Hospital, hope you are reading this and won't forget to say thank you anymore!!! ( I have 'tegur'ed her twice, but you know, if you are just bloody rude, you're just bloody rude!!)

The next issue I would like to touch on is the under usage of saying "excuse me" when you need to interrupt other people's conversation.  I have this colleague who does this on a regular basis.  At first, we thought that she might have done it accidently but when it happened every single time she needed to cut into other people's conversation, definitely it's just her.  Nobody is more important than anybody else when it comes to conversations.  I believe everybody has the right to converse and having said that, even if you feel that one gossiping about Mr. X or Madam Y is just a waste of your precious time to listen to, still, let them finish off their sentence before you decide to butt in with the things you need to say thinking it is more important and above anything else. For starters, you will definitely not fall into your grave by saying "Excuse me, can I interrupt for a while.."

I have never for once felt repulsed to enter a public toilet in  the shopping malls of Belgium or even at Moray House where I was studying. Sadly, that is not the case here.  In Malaysia, how many of you can say that you have always entered a public toilet that is immaculately clean?  If you can say yes, then I envy you!!   Just last two weeks,  a couple of friends and I entered a WC to be welcomed by a huge pile of S**T lying there in the toilet bowl of the first cubicle.  That was a whopper that nearly made us puke.  We went to the second cubicle and it wasn't as terrible as the first with bits and pieces of tissue paper scattered on the floor.  I went to the third and I was greeted by sanitary pads with fresh blood stains on it. These are a normal sight for me when I enter the public toilets here.  Today, it is a sanitary pad, tomorrow would be diapers lying there on the floor, the next day might be a condom I suppose apart from the cigarette butts or other forms of rubbish.  Has it ever occured to them the existance of a trash  can is for us to dispose our rubbish?  My children are aways reminded to use the trash can, and if they cannot find one , then they should hold on to it until they  do. Why is it that cleanliness which should be a part of our daily routine become something extremely difficult to carry out.  Is it a sign that Malaysians are simply unhygienic? Is cleanliness only compulsory when you are abroad, is it only part of a facade to blend in with our western counterparts?  

These are only a few examples out of the millions that I can think of .  I am not saying that I am a saint  for I am never one and I have had a few lapses here and there regarding the things I am  talking on now,  but I can guarantee you, they are but only unintentional! Children are children and what do they know most of the times  about  queing up or not cutting the queue and all as they rely closely on their elders, or most approapriately their parents to examplify good values for them to mimick.  Sadly, these are the values that are fast deteriorating among us!

Do not be offended,  I am merely talking on my personal experiences which may not be relevant at all to yours.  This is my plain ramblings for today. 

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...

I asked my dearie if I could spend a whole week at my Mam's house in Sg. Tua before we head back to his hometown in Segamat so I could bring the kids on excursions here and also for the fact that I wanted to fulfill my insatiable lust for shopping to which he agreed.  I should be elated, him not being around to curb my ruthless spending ways giving me full authority to just shop, shop, shop and bring the kids around. 

He went back to Kerteh last night and today I was supposed to start my sessions of retail therapy, however, somehow I was feeling a bit low so I did not go out.  The only highlight was when I brought the kids to the swimming pool for a dip under the mild sunlight.  Qayyum can now swim without his floats, Iman is confident to be in the water that she has allowed me and her Alang and Uncle Chu to let her go and Khalida is a daredevil now and is fearless that she jumped in the pool expecting us to catch her, and not only that she is contented just bobbing up and down in the water like an apple in a tub. (wearing her floats, of course)

The kids have now retired and I am my own company.  I should be planning what I want to do tomorrow, where I want to go, what I want to buy but all those seem meaningless to me because I am yearning for him, my dearie!! Although having a girl's day out is a normal occurrence  back home in Kerteh, but at the end of the day, I know that I would be at home reaching out my arms to him when he returns from work. But today, my arms are vacant and no one else can fill in that void except for him.  I am aching, my heart is breaking!!! I miss him so...

It is ironic that I was the one who wanted to be here, now I only want to be there with him.  My life isn't complete today, I have got my children, my bundle of joy but it is incomplete without him, the savior of my soul, the pillar of my family.  Babes, I love you..just so you know!

Monday, November 23, 2009

A Surprising Surprise.

I recently had an enormous argument with my dearie over the fact that he did not get me a birthday present again this year. At first, I  managed to keep the feeling inside at the core of my heart but when he apologized for not getting me a card although he searched high and low during his lunch break, I  felt dejected and unappreciated among other things.  How could he have spent only 2 hours of his lunch break to look for a card when he could have started doing so 3 weeks prior to my day knowing how accommodating the area of Kerteh and Paka is when it comes to looking for nice things?  He could have bought me the card the week before as he was in KL on a meeting trip or even on the way back as KL has sooooooooooo many beautiful birthday cards available even in 7-Eleven.  Couldn't have he made the effort then? It is not as if I was asking for a Ferrari Boxter, a simple card was all required to put a smile on my face and to light up my day.

My mind kept telling me  it was wrong that he couldn't even buy me a simple card although we have had small tiffs over the same matter previously and that it was more so wrong that while I was still hurting inside, he could just completely ignore the feelings I had, thinking that we had resolved this issue!  How hard could it be to just appreciate your wife with a simple card?? It doesn't even cost as much as a diamond ring from Tiffany's!!  So,  two days after my birthday, this feeling that kept nagging inside of me erupted like Krakatoa with me  pouring out all that I felt  by saying that I was under appreciated and that he constantly took me for granted when I have done so much for him and for not getting my birthday card is not a small issue for a lady who has given him children and to leave her urban lifestyle for a life in Kerteh where it is so mundane that everything dies after the last ray of the sun is too much a sacrifice that doesn't deserve to get unnoticed!

Much to my surprise, things took a different twist.  Our anniversary was just a week after my birthday and I had learnt to expect nothing from him  through our last spat in order to secure my frail feelings from being hurt again and for the fact that I hate having arguments with him, who is the savior of my soul.   On that day after he came back from work, we simply exchanged anniversary wishes and loving kisses in the bedroom where I was busy on the Net and I had prepared to expect nothing, not even a card.  I returned to the computer and had the urge to ease myself.  As I turned back heading for the loo, there I saw it, this extremely large hamper containing a whole lot of beauty products  including a perfume I was eyeing  just a day before, was right there on his working table.  I just couldn't believe my eyes, went over to it to inspect the details of the hamper and much to my surprise, there was a card with beautiful and simple words from his heart confirming that the hamper was for me,  for my 9th year anniversary!! Now, that's what I call a surprise. Something totally unexpected was expecting me!

I thanked him by showering him with a million kisses and he could definitely see how estatical I was.  When I told him that I wasn't expecting something at all , he simply uttered, it was his intent and that it was all part of the unexpected surprise.  He does have a point there..come to think of it, if my birthday and anniversary gifts are handed to me on the dot exactly when I was expecting it,  where is the  element of  surprise  there? Next year, on my birthday, I shall be expecting that unexpected surprise even if the feeling is torturous!!!  Or...hmmm...based on past years track record..maybe NOT! Who knows? ;)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Fiza's Recipe...

I was reading Fiza's blog the other day and I saw her post a recipe on a cheesecake.  It looked easy to make and I had the urge to try it.  Although the ingredients weren't extravagant unlike the ones I typically do but it sure tasted wonderful and was much easier on the cash flow!  A very simple recipe that  produced such a divine taste with a creamy texture that suited my palate well.  

However, since I did not know what base Fiza used, I decided to use a base  that I made on my own. The base was a chocolate cookie base which I added some walnuts to it.  Don't ask for the exact measurements because I only had my instincts to guide me through  but be sure to use enough butter to bind the base perfectly as opposed to what I did that resulted in a rather crumbly base.  Since I had some leftover blueberry filling from my previous order, I smothered some on the cookie base before pouring the batch of cream cheese over it and there were some left for the topping too. The result was a heavenly piece of cheesecake!!  So, thumbs up Fiza, for your recipe and thanks a bunch!!!

Into a square tin.

Having a steam bath.

The end result.

Nothing beats having a cheesecake laced with the exquisite taste of Kona coffee.

Friday, November 20, 2009

The Beginning of the End..

After 11 months of struggling and educating, the tears and the laughter from both teachers and students, today finally marks the end of the year's school term with the beginning of the final semester break. The cheers and chatterings of the students while they wait for the bus to ferry them home, teachers walking by hurriedly doing this and that to finish off what is left of their year long assignments, tense and stress are almost visible unlike how it was 11 months back.  

However, while one should be happy with a relaxation period of almost 45 days, the world does not seem too, ironically.  It was raining heavily today..the heaviest so far this year and it happened on the last day of school, it was as if the world was crying with us teachers..Yes, for a teacher, his/her life is for the students and for students, their future depends on the teachers. I weep silently in my heart simultaneously with the falling of the raindrops although I have a wide grin on my face as I wish my students well while I was lovingly embraced by them for the final time this year.  I shall miss them, their antics, their stubborness, their laziness apart from their attentiveness, their respect and their co-operation.   Well, hope to see them again next year..woah...another year of struggle and pain and tears and laughters and the list goes on and on...ooooohh  no!

Guess I shall stop missing them now and focus and enjoy this rare oppurtunity to be rid of them. Hehehe. Happy Holidays all teachers out there.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Easy Silence by Dixie Chicks

"Easy Silence"

When the calls and conversations
Accidents and accusations
Messages and misperceptions
Paralyze my mind

Busses, cars, and airplanes leaving
Burning fumes of gasoline
And everyone is running
And I come to find a refuge in the

Easy silence that you make for me
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay

Monkeys on the barricades
Are warning us to back away
They form commissions trying to find
The next one they can crucify

And anger plays on every station
Answers only make more questions
I need something to believe in
Breathe in sanctuary in the

Easy silence that you make for me
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay

Children lose their youth too soon
Watching war made us immune
And I've got all the world to lose
But I just want to hold on to the

Easy silence that you make for me
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me

The easy silence that you make for me
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay

I am not much of a poet, well to tell you the truth not one even But I sure am hell of a good listener and this is one song I just love!  If you can, look up for it and just lose yourself in its enthralling tune.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Sighing, sighing and more sighing and that is what I have been up to lately! With the impending school holidays and the loads of unsettled paperworks, the form 4 analysis to be handed in to the JPN this Thursday(!!!!) while still 4 more classes out of the 6 haven't even submitted the marks to me, another round of chasing after the teachers to fill in the mark sheets without being hated for, time is extremely quickly catching up on me and I feel breathless!!!

I have been so busy that I have neglected my entire family and the worst is that I haven't been you know what with hubby dearie (will make up to him with some  mind-blowing ehem ehem some time next week..I hope) and I just love him for putting up with me, my tantrums and for having raised my voice at him due to the stress I am facing now.  Babes, you know I appreciate you a whole lot and I love you to bits for all the patience you have and for sticking by me especially through all the times when the monster wqithin me reveals itself. THANK YOU!! I LOVE YOU INFINITY!!!

Just the other day, I came back from my PMR meeting exhausted.  When I reached home, all I wanted to do was to shut myself out from the outside world and that is what I did exactly. I locked myself in my room and ignored everyone inhibiting my house, putting on a deaf ear to the bickerings and squabblings among the three children I produced.  3  hours later, when I was ready to face the earth, I saw my girls lying on the floor asleep in front of my bedroom  door and my boy watching over them. When I asked him why they were all there, he answered innocently  "Iman and Khalida missed you and wanted to wait for you.  I was taking care of them because when Ayah is not around, I'm the boss and I have to take care of everybody, right?" three little munchkins.  Even at this moment, I am missing them dearly even though they are just there on the bed not 2 feet away!

Gotta go to sleep...I am starting to string whatever words I can think of and don't know if I can make sense of myself.  Have to put on those running shoes tommorrow and forget the stilettos because there is gonna be some intensive chasing that I would have to do. Hope I get all the marks ..Goodnight, Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

A Deal Gone Wrong..

I was interested to buy a piece of land measuring at 1764 metre square as an investment property which would cost me RM 80 000 in which, I consider cheap as compared to my 611 metres square land  that I bought for RM 52 000 to build my house.  With the land, I planned to divide it into 2 pieces that would measure up to 880 metres square each and get a hefty pay check out of it .  Unfortunately, my plan had turned into ashes today after a humiliating negotiation with the owner.

Now, for a small scale teacher like me, where would I foot the money to proceed with my purchase if not from a loan?  To make things worst, my broker told me that the man wanted 10% upfront to seal the deal.  I agreed to it although it would leave a huge hole in my pocket so I requested for the booking fee to be reduced to a more affordable 5k if it was possible.  Just this afternoon, I received an SMS from my broker saying that Hj Jalil insists that I pay the initial 10% and that the rest of the payment be made within 3 months and to my horror the offer of RM 80k is only valid until the end of the year.  With me intending  to take up a government loan and the efficiency of the government officers up there, I knew that 3 months would be impossible with the whole process that was due to be involved.  The application itself would take me a week, to send it to Putrajaya would take another and for the evaluators to come would take up to god knows how long, not to mention the processing of the loan itself were the RM 80k was deemed feasible but if not, then I would have to plead the remaining of it from both my hubby and my eldest sister.  So all in all,  I would need at most,  4 months to pay it up.

I called Hj Jalil myself to ask for his kind gesture to consider my position and lack of cash fund.  At first, he agreed on the minimum amount of RM 5k be paid in a week which brought a smile to my face thinking that I had managed to secure the land with the price tag on it.  After that, he asked how I intended to pay the balance and how long it would take me to do so and after telling him about the whole processes of the loan, he laughed and said that I had misunderstood him.  He said, "the price of RM 80k is only valid until the end of the year" meaning, that I would have to come up with the money by the end of the year and if  I failed to do so, the price would differ exactly on the 1st of January 2010 despite having paid the booking fee to my dismay.

He kept on telling me on how much he would lose with the current budget review on land ownership and the tax incurred on him yadda, yadda, yadda that bored me to death.  So, to cut to the chase, I told him to reconsider his decisions and to allow me to pay within 4 months with the price of RM 80k but he was adamant with the terms and conditions that he had set.  That's when I saw the prospect of the land being mine going into its early demise, so being one who would fight to my last breath, I thought of using reverse psychology on him. 

With that I said, 
" Tuan Haji, I know you are not desperate for money, and that you are tremendously fortunate to receive God's gift of wealth as opposed to me who is still struggling to accumulate mine." 
He cut off my words and said with a pride that was huge enough to put America, Canada and South America to shame.
" True, true, I am not desperate for money. Alhamdulillah ( Thanks to God!), Alhamdulillah, He has given me immense wealth" 
I said " I am just a humble teacher, so would you..." 
My words were cut off again with him saying,
'' So, you KENALAH kerja keras lagi! ( Therefore, you HAVE to work harder!)"  

And that brought out the devil in me and instantly like She-Ra, I was in the fighting mode! How dare he say such a thing? Does he think that teachers don't work hard enough to make ends meet? Are we that low in his eyes? However, when I started to say, " Haji ingat saya tak kerja keraa.."  He cut off my words again (too coward I guess to hear the truth of his cockiness be revealed bluntly to him) by saying, "Assalamualaikum." and instantly that man hung up on me!

So there goes, my 1764 metres square piece of land gone and my pride slightly dented.  I didn't mind him not wanting to succumb to my wishes, but for him to be so arrogant with the wealth he has and to look down on penniless creatures like me is something heart-wrenching.  Well, to look on the bright side, I managed to save RM 80k in the long run and he managed to earn none.  So I guess, I can still afford the Honda City I've been eyeing on for ages next year...haha, maybe not for I'm stingy with money, you see! 

This is my plain ramblings for today.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Rain, not go away!

It is that time of year already when the picturesque surroundings are blanketed by the dark and loomy mist and loses its sense of tranquility and when you would normally hear the chirpings of the birds flaunting their freedom, it is now replaced with the sounds of rain like a bagful of coins falling into a heap.

I absolutely love the rainy season because it somehow quietens any busy days, everyone seems depressed and you get to prolong the lurking deadlines just because people are not in the mood. But apart from getting away with my procastination, I simply love the rainy season because I get to run away from the world and lose touch of myself just by staring at the outside, looking deep into the wide open space and to detach yourself from being a part of the world that goes by is a treat in its own rite.

It is raining right now and the pitter patter of rain drops against my windowsill is completly alluring that I cannot resist  the temptation of having that long deserved rest. Hence, I better be on my way to bed, while it is still raining and the weather is just suitable for a long..long slumber! ZZZzzzzzz...

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Stupid Drivers!!!!

I love a bit of a challenge every once a while and I get mine from driving.  Having said that,  driving in Terengganu is one of the greatest challenge I have had so far!  I thought KL drivers were those to be intimidated by, well folks, you haven't encountered those in Terengganu yet! ( Mind you, I am not referring to the local Terenganus, but drivers in Terengganu as a whole, tak kiraler dari KL ker, Penang ker, Johor ke, Zimbabwe ke.but as long as you are in Terengganu).

Today, I was head of the line on the main road waiting for my turn to enter the school compound when this colleague of mine gladly cut my queue and went on in disregarding an oncoming motorcycle.  Now since we were heading for the same destination which was just a spit away and for the fact that she was only behind me, did she honestly think that her punch card would not turn red by being earlier than me for a mere 2 micro seconds..helllooooooo!!!! We were 20 minutes damn late already..funny isn't it, this mentality of some drivers.

Second,  I have this automatic sleep mode programmed inside of me when I drive because when the wheels turn less than 80km per hour, there it goes, on the dot, sleepiness  would creep zealously throughout my entire body paralyzing my limbs!!!! So, being on the FAST LANE..mind you which is on the RIGHT HAND SIDE would totally be my domain unless I see another vehicle that is going faster than mine, then I would go to the LEFT LANE which is TO MAINTAIN SPEED or TO DRIVE SLOW.  So, drivers out there, if you are feeling rotten for the day and need to drive at a murderous 30 or 40 kmph, kindly proceed to the left lane and not the right!!!!  And BTW, when someone gives you a double flash, it is only intended to inform you that you have been driving like a drunk snail for the past 5 minutes on a fast lane and not to initiate any fights!!

Still on the topic of being on the lanes, I think every car manufacturers have included signals in each of the cars that they have produced. Therefore, GODAMMIT, please use your signals when you are going to switch between the lanes.  I have to say that I am one of the unfortunate ones to not have ESP that would enable me to read your minds or the ability to see in the future and predict when you might want to go into the lane that I am in already.  It is just dangerous to suddenly cross over into another lane when another car is in a close distance without signalling others and even if you give the signal, please allow a 5 second grace period before you go into the lane.  Ini tak, dia ingat dia kasi signal dia boleh terus masuk depan kita..Silly, selfish schmucks!!

But what irks me the most is those who come out of a junction and drive slower than death itself.  Even if a car is speeding at 50 kmph, the impact it has when it bumps into another car is just unfathomable considering the lack of speed.  Watch National Goegraphic and just look at how that dummy's head fell off..and this is no laughing issue. Hmm..I think I'm lost for words..but I think you would know how the feeling is.

We are all payers of the road taxes and not one single soul can claim that the road belongs to their spouse or father or mother...well, unless you are Samy V's kid or wife of course..So, kick the habit of driving at your own ease when we have simple rules that we can abide to, to fit the individual drivers.

p/s Biler park kereta, diaorang nih suka sangatlah makan dua petak...kalau kereta dia besar gajah takper juga..but when you take half and half of each parking lots, susah tau orang lain...B****,****,*****..etc etc..Puas hati!

Thursday, October 22, 2009


These are some pictures of Iman.  The internet was giving me problems the night I posted an entry about her.  Nevertheless, I think it is never too late for anything..

             Her IV line.                                                              Exhausted from the journey and crying

Elmo and Froggy to keep her cheered up.


I love cooking..just love it and  baking too.   I've had this passion for cooking and baking since ages ago and I may say that instead of being a teacher, I should have just been a chef.

Just the other day,  I was talking to Doria on the net and I told her that I was making Pizza for the whole family  for dinner which made her go green with envy.  However, I purposely did not mention to her that I was making 'Cheat's Pizza' just to savor the pride she had for me that very moment. ( Hahaha, Doria, got u this time)
So, with respect to Doria, in this entry of mine, I shall show you how I made the Pizza.

   The ingredients.

The pizza base and tomato sauce

Topped it with sausage (pepperoni is nicer though but hard to get!!!)
turkey ham and smoked chicken.

Toss some green peppers (should have put loads more!)
pineapple and mushroom.

 Cheese...mmm..favorite part.
Mozarella, parmesan and cheddar.
Drizzle some olive oil.
(Don't know y we have to put the oil on top but I just do it to impress my kids and hubby.
 Gives me that pro kinda look)

In the oven for at least 30 mins at 150 Celsius.

My home-made poisonous Cheat's Pizza.
(This was the pizza my kids ate which in turn sent Iman to the hospital....)

The pizza base was bought at Giant's Supermarket along with the shredded cheese, ham, sausage and smoked turkey.  The only home-made thing is the sauce  which is actually some leftover spaghetti sauce that I froze in the fridge.  There you have Doria, hope you make it for Declan coz I know you love cooking too!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Another child hospitalized...

Hospitals..bah..humbug! Name me one in Kuantan that I have never slept in for at least 2 nights and I dare bet 1 gazillion bucks that you won't find it!

Qayyum as a child has made hospitals his home being admitted for the first time at 8 months old and only recently I think that his body and hands have gotten tired of the hospital beds or of being poked and pricked about by needles and stuffs.  However, I thought Qayyum's condition was the worst until I gave birth to Khalida who became the champion in the family for being hospitalized at the tender age of 30 days for her bronchitis. Ever since that first admission, I think she has taken a fancy in her brother's footsteps and now hospitals are her second home.  Out of my three children, Iman, my second is by far the healthiest among the three.  But today, she has contributed to my collection of hospital paraphernalia because today, for the first time ever, she ended the vacation I had away from hospitals with that single pink band attached around her wrist.

My poor Iman was referred to the hospital by our local GP for having a high fever that reached 40 degree Celsius and also for constant vomitting.    So, off my hubby and I brought her to Kuantan to see our trusted paediatrician.  She was first examined by a medical officer who suspected her of having food poisoning because I mentioned that along the way, she complained of having stomach pains.  To my horror, I remembered that Qayyum woke up at 3am just this morning  to vomit his entire guts out which made me vomit my guts out too because of the smell.  But what horrified me even more was the fact that they both had pizza for dinner , THE pizza I made with my own bare hands. And with that detrimental information, Iman was confirmed to be admitted where they would perform several blood tests on her.  Gosh, not only am I the biggest backstabber,  I am also keen on poisoning my children now!!  What a horrid human being I must be!

Now, here I am again, accompanying yet another child in this whole hospital saga of mine.  I am not complaining though..just letting out a little sigh.  Friends and readers, please hope that she recovers soon.  Insya-allah.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Thank You Anonymous...

Dear Anonymous, Thank you. 
Firstly, for kindly spending some of your precious time to read my blog(s).  Even if I might have backstabbed you, what I've written seems to interest you.
Secondly, for pointing out my flaws back then. At least I know why you loathed me. If I have backstabbed you, then I seek for your forgiveness, sincerely! Thank you.
Anonymous wrote as a comment to Just Hold Your Head Up High:

you were the biggest backstabber back then.and why we laughed? how can one not laugh when you put on a veil on a tacky-coloured set of wig showing???and please spare us with the "become-a-better-muslim" claim. you effing shaved you head off and went clubbing regularly.. san veil of course.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Greatest Gift of All...

I love old things, antiques.. if I may say.  I have an old husband, I drive an old car and I tell my children to call me IBU, something those who are in the Gen X would ask their kids to call them as oppose to the now favoured Mama or Ummi or Mummy.  Qayyum and Iman have been calling me IBU until last year when they started calling me Mum (damn cartoon network).  And so, I have been trying to teach Khalida who is 1 year and 5 months now to call me "Ibu" instead of "Mum".  However, her siblings' influence on her are far stronger than mine so Mum's the word. 

Whenever she sees me Mum would definitely come out from those cute little mouth of hers to my disappointment because in our English speaking household, I would love to preserve that part of Malay in me.  But as Qayyum would say in his defense.."We're English, so we have to call you Mum..not Ibu.  If we call you Ibu, then we would have to speak in Malay"  There I'm trapped because I have been forbidding them to speak in Bahasa...(smart kid!) So, whatever it is, Mum's the word.

While I was playing with her just this afternoon, I told her to look at me and every time I say that to her, she would cup my face with those two chubby hands of hers and plant a kiss on my mouth.  Today, she didn't ..instead of kissing me straight away, she looked into my eyes and gave me that very beautiful smile of hers that melts every pieces of me..and as I was looking back into her eyes, there it was with a single breath, out it came from her, "Bu..bu"  I couldn't believe my ears so I told her to repeat..Ibu..and instantly she replied IBU and to make it more sentimental, she kissed me on my lips.  I had been waiting for so long  to hear her utter the word  IBU that I longed for and finally she did it on my birthday!  So there friends and readers, I may not have received anything from that man I call husband, but to hear Khalida  calling me IBU is the greatest gift of all...that is the joy of motherhood.

Friday, October 9, 2009

An Ad Hoc Open House

My students told me they wanted to come over to my house today.  Since we are still in the Hari Raya mood, and not to forget that Deepavali is just around the corner, I decided to cook up a storm. (by my standards, that is) 

I made Penang Assam Laksa, Masak Lodeh and Nasi Himpit, ordered some Satay and for dessert was Bread Pudding and Vanilla Cupcakes topped with Chocolate Ganache.  Since I was informed of the visit 2 days ago, I prepared the kuah laksa in advance (yesterday) because a senior colleague told me the longer the gravy is the better it will taste and true it was. The laksa gravy was simply marvelous (hehehe, this is me blowing my own trumpet).

Initially,  I decided to cook just that, the laksa, but since I was in the cooking mood, I sacrificed my sleeping time and woke up early today to go to the market to buy the veggies for the kuah lodeh. As I have told my hubby that I would be cooking for extra, I told him to invite some of his friends but at 1 0'clock today he told me he forgot which got me pissed off and to vent my anger I made the bread pudding and also the cupcakes.  Has anyone ever discovered the secret to good tasting food? Well, I have and it is cooking when you're angry because the desserts were totally and sinfully delish!!!  

My students came at 3.30 pm although I did say to come at 4. Since I wasn't ready yet, I told them to go away to another place and not to come back at 4.  They came at 4.10 and ate like must be the good food working its magic( me again...blowing my trumpet)!  I called my friends whom  I know would not resist an invite  and thankfully they came to help me gobble up what was left. The open house ended just before Maghrib and I was spent.  

I have to thank Nining though, my very hardworking new helper, because if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be able to gloat about the good food I prepared with my own bare 'eczema'ed hands in this blog.  Don't get me wrong though, I did sweep the floor, vacuum the carpets, wiped the tables and all to help her. Haik..that is ironic eh?  She's the helper and I'm helping won't hurt to be good. 

To all readers, I did save you guys some desserts for your eyes to feast on. Enjoy!!

Vanilla Cupcakes with Chocolate Ganache Topping
    Bread Pudding and Chocolate Custard sauce
 (what's left of it)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Just Hold Your Head Up High!!!

A student of mine came to me with big red puffy eyes due to crying for at least 5 hours.  The poor soul was back stabbed by her own dorm mate who happened to be her own best friend who ransacked her unlocked wardrobe and found her diary that contained all these juicy details about the other dorm mates whom she had been commenting  about.  So, this so called best friend of hers decided to let all the other girls read her diary and now, they are all against her.

That is very typical of the human be so close to one person but behind it all, we talk rubbish and nonsense about the people we are close to.  I think this is all because, nobody is perfect! It's human nature to express our feeling about the imperfections of others be it about their physiques or even the way they bring themselves because we each have our own preferences in the human package.

I can surely remember hurting friends' feeling with my remarks because at that time I thought it was okay to speak my mind, I know it is still okay, but now I do it more inconspicuously so the truth doesn't hit them hard in their face.  People hated me a lot those days, and for whatever  reasons they had, I have learnt to accept it! It's their opinion right and truth to be told, I may have had contributed to the fact for them to dislike me.  I won't put any blame on them although it deeply hurts until this day  but, while they said so many things about me, and my wrongdoings, did they sincerely think that it was a noble act when they made a joke out of me when I first started to wear the veil on my head to become a better Muslim?  When I had fallen out with a girl who I loved more than my own sister,who I called a sister,  who I shared my tears with, my happiness with, did I bear any grudges? A bit..but then it was me to call her up and seek for forgiveness but did we get along again? No, she ignored the SMS that I sent to her in good faith. Do I hate her for that? NOPE. We all have our own minds..don't we?

We all have the freedom of speech.  What our mind thinks is entirely up to us especially when it concerns about what and how we feel although it might be offensive or wrong to certain people. However, when one may  disagree to your opinion, would that be a valid reason to make us a foe of theirs and to become ostracised? And  has it ever occurred to us that while we may portray this holier than thou attitude, we might have somewhere or sometime in our life offended others intentionally or not?  Everybody offends everybody, though it might not be through their speech, but do remember that there exists  this unspoken language called the body language.  So, I try to teach myself to be tolerant of others even if they do not tolerate me.  Life is too short to make enemies out of friends..I think..No one has to agree with me..

The following is an excerpt of a poem I gave to that student.  Hope she will have her head held high up now. 

"IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:"

Nes, learn from your mistakes and from others' too..(don't keep a diary, just blog!)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Joy of Being a Teacher...

It is not easy being a teacher although people have this distorted perception that this profession is easy peasy; it is NOT!  Not only do you have to be academically prepared, you also need to have that human touch which is not something that you can learn, it is either you have it or not because it comes naturally.

I think I am a horrid teacher, the least popular and officially not a favorite among students because my students don't open up to me for when I try to dig up secrets from them, all they do is clam up unlike other teachers who manage to scoop all these sensational stories that could make it to the front page in the national newspaper.  I was also informed once that my students are afraid of me and they always say that I am very serious..that being the reason why they are petrified of me.  You would never see a student coming up to me to share a giggle, or even get the pastries or cakes or cookies that they have just baked whereas some teachers would get bunches of flowers that could fill a whole garden.  See, would you not believe that I am a horrid teacher?

But two days ago, just before the PMR which is commencing now, something happened to me which changed my thoughts on the type of teacher I am.  As I was busily keying in the marks for the recent OTI examination analysis, I was interrupted by my PMR students who came to seek for forgiveness and also for me to give my blessings to them and also for the knowledge that I have imparted to them. Not just one came, but ALL the girls from the 2 classes that I teach. As they came up to me, their eyes became red from stopping the tears that nearly came down so I took them in my arms and hugged them but what touched my heart was the tightness of their embrace and as each of them asked for my forgiveness, I could feel them hugging me even tightly and it was then that they started to cry when they said to me "Teacher, I really love you!"  Oh, how I strained to keep those tears back to maintain my icy cold reputation but I failed at my own frail attempt when a boy came to me with his tears welling up and said to me, "Thank you teacher, you are my favorite!" 

To have female students crying is a normal sight, a normal occurrence but to have a male student trying not to cry and acknowledging you is just magical and refreshing and also enlightening.  Although I may not be the most popular teacher around, I can surely say for myself that I have succeeded in touching my students' lives, something that not all teachers can be rest assured of!  And that is the greatest joy of being a teacher, to touch people's lives.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Thank You Alang, Doria, Fely and Audrey...

How should I start?  Okay..When I first wrote my virgin entry into this blog, I was skeptical about how people would accept it and with that  I had so many questions circling in my head whether my ramblings would be meaningful for anybody, just anybody or not because what I wanted to write about would not be totally about my family, what I did with them or even about the political issues or recent news because my blog was going to be about me and what I felt.

My first reader is my brother who was very supportive of my decision to blog although he never commented on it.  Then came Doria, followed by Fely and recently Audrey.  I was touched by them and their kind comments because these four people have never, and I mean  have never crossed my mind to be a constant reader for  I expected my best friend (definitely) and some others who are VERY close to me  to be one of those who would read my blog if not religiously then on a regular basis but sadly, they found facebooking or surfing more satisfying and have never set an eye to what I have written.

So, here, to you  Alang, Doria, Fely and Audrey..I can never thank you enough for lifting my self-esteem and spirits and for making me feel that I am therefore meaningful in your lives for you guys to be interested to  read what I have to say.  Guys, FYI, I have always read your blogs..but silently though to keep me anonymous..but for you to stumble upon mine and to disclose yourselves just shows that there are still kind hearted people who would accept you as you are.  Thank you..

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Safe in the Arms of God..

My 1st SMS this morning read:
" Fida, Kak Hasmah has passed away at 1am.  Al-Fatihah"


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Today, she is in much pain...

I went to Kak Hasmah's house to visit her for the 2nd time this week with another colleague who also loves her very much.  The journey to her house was a sombre one and the dark, murky sky seemed to confirm our instincts that something bad was  happening. Yes, something did happen for she had been taken to the emergency unit at Hospital Kemaman 30 minutes before we reached her home.

We went back home thinking of repaying our visit tomorrow but along the way back it started to rain.  I have always had this association of rain to death especially when I know that someone is ill and so I pleaded Kak Masz who also had the same feeling to turn back and visit her at the hospital instead.  I hate hospitals, I really do and I hate to visit ill friends because I don't know how to bring myself but today I felt that I had to put my hatred for hospitals and illnesses aside in the name of friendship.

We went to her ward and already there were a huge number of visitors which potrayed how much Kak Hasmah is loved.  People were crying and reading the Yassin and I feared that she might have passed on but as I looked at her on that bed, she was still alive. Her husband was there reciting Koranic verses in her ears as he rubbed her gently and lovingly. One thing for sure is, today she is battling for her life.  She was grunting silently and kept repeating the word "sakit" which means pain unlike Sunday when she only lied on her bed and tried to sleep.

The doctor says that she is now in a critical condition, suffering from liver malfunction and  the cancer, not satisfied with what it has consumed of her has also greedily spread to her brain.  I know her loved ones are now counting the seconds they have left with her and I know they fear the worst to come..

Sunday, September 27, 2009

To Watch Someone Face Death..

Kak Hasmah, a senior colleague who used to be in my school was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago and had her left breast removed.  I bumped into her 1 year after her surgery  and she looked as fit as a fiddle that one might query whether she had been through cancer or not.. However, my meeting with her today was not like how I met her last year in the hustle and bustle of that Tuesday night market. Today, she barely knew me!

The doctors from Hospital Putrajaya discharged her after confirming that she was terminally ill and also for the fact that they could not do anything else to stop those damn cancer cells from happily gorging on what's left of her healthy life. We were told not to expect much from her as she was also enduring short term memory so when I paid her a visit this afternoon with Kak Tie, we weren't greeted by her usual warm and humorous self, that being due to the high dose of morphine given to her and also because of  the effects of her cancer I suppose, but that blank look on her face suggested that she somehow knew  we were her friends.

As she laid on her bed, I wanted to massage her legs and arms but I dare not do it for fear of hurting her even though Kak Shick told me that  I could do that.  They say that she is in much pain and massages could help to ease it.  From my bare eyes, I did not see any pain from her although she does grunt once a while. To me, she didn't look miserable, not at all, just exhausted and I think that God has spared her from any pain because in her healthy life, she was tremendously a nice human being who never wounded others through her action or her words.  She was tired, very very me that is,but what she endured, only God knew.

I started to battle the tears that nearly came down to my cheeks. I know I shouldn't cry because we need to show her strength but I was amazed and touched by how her daughter who is merely 14 or 15 years old was stronger than the rest of us in that room that she was able to caress her dying mother's hair and kiss her cheeks without any signs of sadness..

I don't deal with this situation quite well so all I could do was to cite some prayers for her..not for her to be healthy again knowing that that is impossible being in the final stages of cancer, but I pray for her safe return to the arms of God. Please friends, do pray for pray for her..

Saturday, September 19, 2009

The feeling of Eidulfitri..

Tomorrow marks the end of the fasting month with the celebration of the first day of Syawal, a celebration of the victory for most muslims who have succeeded to conquer their desires and lusts for a whole month.  A myriad of people will be going to the mosque in their latest fashion of Baju Kurungs and Baju Melayus.  Glitters of gold and silver, diamonds and emeralds decorating the bodies of the women, young and old, massive amounts of food accompanied by chit chats among the cousins and uncle and aunts while the children are nowhere to be seen for they are in search of Raya packets from the surrounding houses whether they are known or not...what a sight to be seen, what a feeling to be felt! 

This year my Raya will be celebrated in Segamat, the hometown of my husband. Although I would love it more than anything else to be with my parents and siblings but I can't help to feel the excitement of Raya here, especially at my husband's grandmother's house where tiny faces of the cousins seem to follow you everywhere you go, their laughters ringing in your ears and the shouts  from my children tickled by their uncles and aunts who are merely 4 years older than they are  seem to fill the air.  Sadness happens to be non existing here and happiness is the only feeling you are allowed to have!

However, in the moments of exhiliration, I just can't help to run away from the  feeling of longing...longing for my parents and siblings and no matter how better  Segamat is in terms of celebrating this festive day, the quietness and loneliness of Selayang where my relatives have forgotten the way to our home, where my childrens' voices are the only melody to fill our house, Sg. Tua is still the place where I want to be because sharing the laughters and tears with my own family is everything that I can hope for and it is more satisfying than 100 people coming in and out of a wooden house in Labis.  Oh, that is the feeling of Raya..

Monday, September 14, 2009

Kak Mike

Kak Mike, an acquaintance of mine, passed on to be with God more or less 3 months ago and since then her death had become an obsession of mine!

In the mornings, when I am showering to get ready for work, I would do a breast self-examination to feel for alien lumps on any parts of my armpits or bosom.  Even knowing that there weren't any did not leave me satisfied, so I had to look at them in the mirror to see whether there were any abnormalities invading my flesh.  I would constantly ask my husband to look at my breasts to see whether there was something different and forced him to feel them if he sensed any lumps and millions of times he had to reassure me there were none. And there isn't a day that goes by without me surfing the net to know everything about breast cancer  even watching videos on masectomy, lumpectomy, chemotherapies, radiotherapies and the whole nine yards which concerns cancer; specifically breast cancer!  I was practically addicted to cancer! Learning about her death somehow left this void inside of me and I needed to fill it back in, so I surfed and surfed on cancer.  I even read her blog numerous times that I  swear I could remember her words but nothing managed to fill in that hole in my heart.

My husband was taken aback at my interest and attention to the late Kak Mike's  life before death, posed a question that left me speechless.  " Are you holding any grudges against her? If you do, just let it out!! She's gone and forgive her!"  I thought to myself, did I?  Firstly, she was merely an acquaintance who shared a flat with me and some other girls when we were in college so what significance did she bring to my life?  Secondly, yes, I was upset with her because I liked her a lot as a friend and she breached my friendship but for all I know, I might have been the cause of that. I thought and I thought and I let all the feelings inside of me out for my dear husband to hear.  Finally, I manage to say" Kak Mike, please forgive me...and I forgive you!" 

But did it make any difference? Nope..there was something, some feeling lingering inside of me in which I did not know of and I needed for it to come out but I could not because I did not know what was upsetting me.  Just yesterday, I was back at my mother's home in Sg. Tua when I had the urge to pass by her house.  My husband, god bless him, obeyed my intentions and there we were, right in front of her house.  The house looked lonely, sombre, still in grief and very quiet.  And as we were reversing our whale of a car, which took ages  because the road was narrow, I saw some life when her parents ( I guess) came out to the side porch and a baby; fair, chubby and healthy  was held lovingly and protectively by whom I think is Kak Mike's  mother  and there it was.. all my feelings poured onto my lap in forms of tears.  I couldn't contain myself any longer and I wept like a baby..

There it was, the gap in my heart now filled with the last drop of tears.  It was then that I understood, what I was searching for wasn't about her but it was her..the baby she gave birth to.  I felt sympathy for Qays for never ever having the chance to know his mother who fought for dear life to bring him into this world.  This sadness I have for Qays is much much more than what words could explain..this is because I am a mother, and looking at my Qayyum, Iman and Khalida I could not bear the thought of them losing me or even me losing them to death.  Poor Qays, at such a tender age, being grabbed of the only priceless treasure any human could ever have..But like I would say to friends, those who are tested by God  is only because God has them constantly in His thoughts.  

 If that baby were to be Qays, then Kak Mike, you have nothing to worry about because he is very well taken care of!  But then again, I know you have prepared your family very well for your departure.  May Allah bless you in His embrace...insya-allah.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

A parody of my ME TIME.

Hubby :  Let's go out, just the two of us.  I know you need new pairs of shoes.
Me : Okay..great!      

So began our journey  today to Kuantan without the kids to make the dream of having my ME TIME come true!  Boy, would it not be pleasurable for some who have kids to be able to just leave the kids at home with the helper and to have a jolly good time without having to bring the baby bag filled with diapers, baby wipes, extra pairs of clothes for 3 and not to forget their milk, well in my case 2 different types of formula.  It would also have brought some immeasurable excitement to go shopping without having to think of others' needs but your own, to be able to flip thru each and every one of the blouses on the racks and to satisy your lust for shoes and to try on every single pair that tickles your fancy.  Wouldn't you desire that?  Well, I do ALL the time and today I got it but was I happy? NOPE!!! Not at all!!!

When we arrived at East Coast Mall, I was like a child in Dylan's Candy Bar with loads of money to spend and to top it all, without any parent to say no to this or no to that! This is haven, I thought thinking of the shoes I would buy, the bras and undies, a tube of mascara from Estee Lauder and oh ya, a new pot from Tefal.  I rushed immediately to the cosmetic counter to have my first purchase when I saw this cute little girl with 2 ponytails on her head. Hmm, girls are adorable aren't they in their summer dresses embroidered with roses and lilies in hues of pink and yellow.  Yeah, Iman loves wearing dresses and beautiful sandals to match it.  Iman, my second child uninvitedly came across my mind!  Then when I thought of her, the two other kids at home started to haunt my thoughts with their adorable antics of sibling rivalries and bawls.  That was what kept my mind going ..What on heavens  were they doing?  Are they fine? Do they miss me? And was all about the three rascals I intentionally left at home.  My mind was glued on them and nothing else.  SHIT!!  This is MEEEEEEEEE time!

I pulled my husband up to the 1st floor where the lady's department was for my lingerie, (it's been a while since Hubby dearie got hold on new sexy negligees)with the objective of shaking my kids off my mind but when I reached the first floor, I scurried to the fourth when I saw blaring signs of discounts on children's wear. 70%, 50%, Buy 1 FREE 1.  My heart skipped 10 beats! This deal is a steal!  Qayyum needs new playtime attire, Iman needs some more pjs and Khalida's bottle is already a year old. Need these stuffs pronto!  And that was it, my ME time turned THEIR time AGAIN! All the purchases I made today was for them, the citizens of Munchkinland.

I spent the whole afternoon buying things for my dear kids and none for me.  Seeing this my Hubby brought me to a handbag shop but looking at the price of a Bonia bag, it nearly gave me a seizure.  With that kind of money on the price tag, I could buy a pair of shoes for each of my offsprings and remembering that Aidilfitri was just around the corner I decided to do just that, so off to Crocs I went.

It was time for the breaking of fast and we ate pizza at Pizza Hut.  Hubby loves chatting during meal time but this time he did not because all I had to say about was how the kids love eating pizza and how Qayyum had already promised to take me and Iman on a date to Pizza Hut this week.  I told Hubby that I felt guilty for eating there when I promised my two kids that I would bring them this Thursday, then I kept on yapping and yapping and yapping about the kids....

We finished our meal and had 1 hour and 30 minutes more before the shops would start closing down.  Hubby wanted to bring me to Starbucks for coffee and in normal times I would have jumped at the offer but not today because all I wanted to do was to go back home to be with my Mini Mees.  Hubby smirked and  warned me to never complain about me not having time to do things for me.  Hahahah...yeah right! As if I do..(do I?)

That's the glory about being a Mum.  You complain all the time about not having time to do things for yourself or to satisfy your flaming desire to burn a hole in your pocket but when God grants you the chance to do so, you give it all to your kids.  It makes me wonder all the time, when will I ever get the chance to buy my things, to spend hours and hours on a shopping spree, to visit jewellery stores etc, etc but it doesn't sadden me at all when I don't have it because while I want to fulfill my own wants and needs, it gratifies me even more when I put my husband and children above anything else.  Think on the bright side, while some don't have much left in their spending account, I have still got tons to waste.  So, Louis Vuitton here I come...maybe ten years from today that is!